Ladies, how do you work within bias when trying to have a growth discussion with your manager? I feel like I have been pigeonholed into my current role because I am so good at it. I am the only female reporting to a male on a team of six other directs. I am the only one that owns a separate and distinct function. My direct boss is an SVP and I am a Sr. Director. More in comments…

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When I try to have a simple growth discussion with boss on other interests and opportunities to expand, I am met with what is basically a negative reaction. My boss says “I get the feeling that you only want a VP title, or is it that you want to learn more and grow in your role? “. I’ve basically been doing the same job for almost 4 years including an in-line promotion two years ago. My company is a very fast moving company, and people that we hired the same time as me are VPs. There are also a lot of battleground promotions given and there is a ton of turnover in my company. Regardless, I feel like my ambition is seen as negative and I know no other way to get around this discussion. My boss actually said to me “so if you were a VP, then what next?“. I don’t even know what that means… are there specific questions that I should be asking him about growth or any suggested ways to handle this differently? It’s not like I’m asking this question constantly. It’s been asked once every six months in our normal check-in cycle.

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I occasionally have people say “I want to be X level” but don’t have a view of what that means beyond the title and pay raise. I’ll press and ask what they think the role is, what types of projs they want to do and they just say “more responsibility” which to me indicates they haven’t considered it fully.

It sounds like you do have a perspective. But articulating why you want the role or a diff role, what you are interested in, long term goals, etc may be helpful. Can also approach as a q - in interested in ABC, what could we do that would let me tackle that?

While doing that you can look for other roles

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Maybe it’s a flip in the conversation:

“What gaps do I have before I achieve X level”
- every 60 to 90 days you’re talking through how you’re working toward closing these gaps

“What stretch opportunities exist for me to work at the next level”

Kind of similar to what SM said but more tactical. I would even use the published competencies at the next level to document.

If you’ve been doing the same role for 4 years, maybe it’s time to look outside your org for your next role. Also if your SVP isn’t even supportive in helping you flip the conversation to help you get where you’re going then maybe he’s not the best leader/coach for you.

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This is super helpful. Thank you. Looking outside for sure, but things are slow and even slower in my specialized field. Flipping the script may be a game changer for the discussion path. Appreciate it.

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Go to a new team or new company. Quicker route to what you want with less energy wasted on spinning wheels.

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Yes, for sure. Thank you.

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Maybe leave 😵‍💫 unless you can internally transfer?

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He is gaslighting you by making you feel guilty for asking for what is usually a normal thing to ask for “progression”. I would highly suggest to leave for another company if you have the option. If not, then you need to have a conversation with him where you don’t backdown when he starts questioning your motives to progress and it’s part of his responsibility to help you bridge the gap in your development.

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Yep, I love this too. I even went so far as to use the term gaslighting and tell him that he is gaslighting me, and he said whoa, that’s a very serious term”.

So I had the conversation and called out some specific points. The points were met with shock and him being “upset” that I don’t recognize how he has supported me. He then moved to putting things “in writing“ so that we could be on the same page… So yeah, still crazy reactions and no specifics. I really need to double down on other opportunities. There aren’t any internally and even if there were, I’m certain I’d be blocked/gaslighted etc by even looking into it.

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