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Chief
If you’re a lawyer you don’t also manage a household. You outsource 80%+ of that and share the remaining things that can’t be outsourced with your spouse. Just like you wouldn’t take two different full-time jobs, don’t try to do both.
Chief
The mental load is the part that’s too much?
You can have it all!
*All does not include sleep.
Thank you!!
Care less about work for the next few years. It will be there when you’re ready to lean back in.
My one note for this is that my last firm was semi-notorious for "allowing" women to go on 50% or 75% and then bulldozing right over that boundary and forcing the same amount of work for 50% or 75% pay. No one who went on this plan actually stayed - they all quit after it became clear it was a sham. Definitely get the scoop on how it went from people who did it successfully. If there is no such person, there's your answer.
I agree with P3. Care less. Lower expectations. From a lawyer who doesn’t make enough to outsource it all beyond daycare - get comfortable with the bare minimum.
My job gets done, my kids are happy and cared for, my house is a mess, life is chaos, we are happy. I constantly choose playing and snuggling with my kids over an organized/spotless house or some other non-essential responsibility. Pick your priorities and roll with it.
Hire all the help! Ensure spouse is on board to split what remains. Give yourself grace. Remind yourself it’s only a season (or a few) until kindergarten. Look for reliable childcare with which you’re comfortable yesterday…
Outsource as much as possible. I’d also say make sure your partner is on board to truly share the load of what remains. Best time to have that convo would’ve been before baby, but the next best time is now.
Get a house cleaner who comes 1-2 times a month, if you’re getting a nanny see if she will include some light housekeeping (ours does 3 loads of laundry a week, keeps up with our dishwasher unloading, and keeps our kitchen organized) for a higher rate, if not you can hire a house manager/keeper to handle those types of things for a handful of hours a week, get some sort of meal prep service.
These have all made my parenting while working experiencing muuuuch better. I recently went in-house (pay cut) and we are transitioning him to a school/daycare at 18 months so are losing the nanny but are making sure we can keep the rest in our budget and budgeting around it because it’s huge.
My in laws cooked for me and watched the baby while I slept. My husband was also very hands on. I slept when I was tired and didnt care about having an aesthetic home until I got myself together (which took about 4 weeks or so).
You’re going to have to care less. You just can’t do it all. Also your partner should be doing 50% - doctors appointments, daycare drop offs, laundry, groceries, cooking. Childcare must be outsourced as an attorney. Find a daycare you trust so you don’t have to worry about them during the day. Hire cleaning help. You will not get as much sleep the first year as you should and your work may not be what it was but you will get it back.
If you can afford it, a nanny is way less work than daycare. Downside is that it's one person so if they're sick you're sans childcare. Upside is everything else honestly. You don't have to schlep your kid somewhere in the AM. They're already at your house when you get home. You don't have to pack their lunch, remember to bring in more diapers, etc. etc. We LOVE daycare, don't get me wrong, and our girls have now transitioned to "school," but in those early days going back to work etc., nanny was the way to go. Agreeing with those below that she can also help with house stuff per whatever your arrangement is. Ours is my favorite person and would help with light kitchen tidy, tidying kids' room, etc.