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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes…
She gave me a hug
Yes
I used to work as a professional human cannonball. My old boss keeps calling me to come back, saying they can’t find anyone of my caliber.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery
Getting paid to sleep is my dream job
Raddad, and DadandBuried on IG are also great
I know a person called Raddad (no joke) it's an Arabic name. So this joke confused me 🤣
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To find the village idiot, of course.
... Dramatic long pause...
Knock knock
Who's there
Chicken
What do you call a pig that does karate?
- A pork chop! 🥁🥁🥁
I was in bed sad about how bad I am with women. I said “Alexa, why am I bad with women?”
The speaker said, “this is Siri.” 😵💫
What do they call Big Foot in Europe?
Big Meter
Why can’t you play cards in the Serengeti?
Because there are a bunch of cheetahs
A variation of this is my six-year-old's favorite:
Why don't lions ever play board games?
Because they're surrounded by cheetahs
Dad: what’s the difference between a piano, a tuna and glue?
Kid: I don’t know
Dad: you can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna. Get it?
…long pause…
Kid: what about the glue?
Dad: the glue? I knew you would get stuck on that
Btw if anyone needs some incredible ones, the boys on docktok kill it
https://instagram.com/loganlisle?igshid=MDM4ZDc5MmU=
Pro
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind, it’s tearable
Courtesy https://twitter.com/ThePunnyWorld?t=sJR9XZ-WMfgDUcPyVPDBiQ&s=09
This is a dad to another dad joke (not for kids):
Your momma is so fat, when I took a picture of her my phone ran out of storage
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick
What do you call a dog that does magic?
A labra-cadabrador.
Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
*Dad buying fake Christmas tree*
Cashier: “Are you going to put it up yourself?”
Dad: “Don’t be disgusting...I’m going to put it up in the living room.”
Why did the pencil smell bad?
It was a #2