Okay dads, let's hear it.... what's your best dad joke?

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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

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I told my wife to embrace her mistakes…
She gave me a hug

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Yes

I used to work as a professional human cannonball. My old boss keeps calling me to come back, saying they can’t find anyone of my caliber.

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No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery

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Getting paid to sleep is my dream job

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Raddad, and DadandBuried on IG are also great

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I know a person called Raddad (no joke) it's an Arabic name. So this joke confused me 🤣

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To find the village idiot, of course.


... Dramatic long pause...
Knock knock
Who's there
Chicken

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What do you call a pig that does karate?
- A pork chop! 🥁🥁🥁

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I was in bed sad about how bad I am with women. I said “Alexa, why am I bad with women?”

The speaker said, “this is Siri.” 😵‍💫

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What do they call Big Foot in Europe?
Big Meter

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Why can’t you play cards in the Serengeti?

Because there are a bunch of cheetahs

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A variation of this is my six-year-old's favorite:

Why don't lions ever play board games?

Because they're surrounded by cheetahs

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Dad: what’s the difference between a piano, a tuna and glue?
Kid: I don’t know
Dad: you can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna. Get it?
…long pause…
Kid: what about the glue?
Dad: the glue? I knew you would get stuck on that

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This is a dad to another dad joke (not for kids):
Your momma is so fat, when I took a picture of her my phone ran out of storage

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What’s brown and sticky?

A stick

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What do you call a dog that does magic?

A labra-cadabrador.

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Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the P is silent.

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*Dad buying fake Christmas tree*
Cashier: “Are you going to put it up yourself?”
Dad: “Don’t be disgusting...I’m going to put it up in the living room.”

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Why did the pencil smell bad?

It was a #2

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