Our daily standup:
- Manager present
- Analysts present (everyone embedded in a different business team)
- Data scientists present (everyone working on a different project)
- BI developers present (these guys might work on related tasks)

Only arguments presented for the daily are that (1) since everyone just updates their status, it only takes a few mins and (2) it's supposed to help with "bringing the team together" (nope).

How would you go about stopping this mind-numbing insanity?

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You could suggest just a once a week standup? Or even twice weekly? You could also maybe ask if anyone else is getting anything out of this? Is it just the manager who thinks it's bringing the team together? I think a lot of times managers don't like to admit that standups are a way to micromanage, so it can be hard to convince them to stop.

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My team does update messages in a slack channel every morning, no stand-up

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We were having these nonsensical time-wasters every day until the session leader made a comment that, "We need to do everything we can to make our dreams come true." I, being a notorious "intelligent posterior," raised my hand and asked, "Did anyone else dream last night that they attended these meetings in the nude?" Everyone laughed, except the manager, but he really isn't as dumb as people say he is and realized the point I was making. Now we have our "team-building updates" twice a month -- fully clothed.

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Do we work together??? Because this is exactly how we do it 😂

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Afraid not! My corpo doesn't give out fancy senior titles. Everyone is equal! (in role and pay, but not skill🥲)

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