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You’ll generally do a lot better at everything in life if you don’t believe everyone is out to get you and take offense at the drop of a hat.
If you were evaluating him for all the things you listed you’re looking for, him evaluating you is no different, just because your parts are different
Contd… it is not on the victim to fix the perpetrator’s behavior. Being assaulted is bad enough - there’s a lot of fallout with trauma. I’ve reported an instance to the cops many years ago and at that time, the person walked free. I was told by the cops to find a lawyer and I could “file a restraining order personally”, but there’s nothing else they could do for me.
Reporting can be brave and impactful, but it comes with a lot of skepticism and reliving trauma. Not to mention if you’re living by yourself, you don’t want to deal with cops. In the instance I was discussing with my date. , I reported that person on the dating app, but focused on my mental health and blocked him.
Women keep going through this with men - so many women I know have gone through something heart breaking like this more than once in their life. How many times are we going to be the ones to take the onus and call the cops?!!
Men who shame women for keeping other perpetrators / ra*ists in check - you shouldn’t be on dating apps. Please find your gf / bride from a catalog or via your parents, coz women who come to know you won’t want to be with you.
C1 - I was not sharing details upfront at all other than when he pushed for what is bad dating experiences. He asked me if I called the police and made those comments, and also asked me “omg did you get assaulted on day 1 of meeting him! Did you?”
This guy wasn’t there to help / support / didn’t care when he was pushing for info. He was running “assessments” based on something deeply traumatic - if the second or third question you’re asking a girl about assault x dating is if she got assaulted on the first date itself, along with the other comments, it shows what was he really asking. I had to draw the line then.
I was surprised I wasn’t asked how many boyfriends I’d had before - I was also waiting for that dung bomb seeing where this went, but thankfully that Q did not come up
While I totally agree that it’s not your responsibility to “fix” AHs, an AH isn’t going to fix themselves and the police/legal system can’t help a problem they don’t know exists.
If you don’t feel comfortable reporting, no one should blame you for that, but it’s a fair question to ask (not saying your date went about it the right way at all - wasn’t there, don’t know).
Sure - next time you know a woman who had been assaulted, go ahead and ask her why didn’t she report the guy and it’s her fault the next woman gets assaulted. Then pls do report back.
Chief
And yet, if not you, then who? The next person that is assaulted? Maybe it escalates and the next person or the person after that is killed. I won’t shame you. I’ve been there. I know how hard it is firsthand and you’re not wrong. But one thing he didn’t take was your voice and as hard as it is for victims to use it, use it, we must. We still can’t control the outcomes, it’s true, that’s why we rely on our own strength, courage and the compassion of those who want to support you. Blaming innocent people - or those who haven’t been that victim - for being appalled isn’t fair either. It’s when those people stop caring and have become completely desensitized that society as we know it will truly have fallen apart.
Ty, I need all the good luck and prayers for finding love that I can get.
First of all, very sorry this happened to you.
Second, I would report it if it was me. They may or may not have a case, it all depends on the corroborating evidence. I would want to at least try. Many people choose not to which is also understandable.
We have due process in the US and the burden to prove a crime is beyond a reason doubt. Crimes like assault are difficult to prove without evidence beyond your statement. The other party will simply say it was consensual and it becomes a "he said/she said" trial. The prosecutor won't have a solid case unless they have some solid evidence (video, eye witnesses, they admit it, etc) beyond your statement. Prosecutors don't like losing cases so it might not even make it to trial. I can only imagine how frustrating this would be.
People are rightfully skeptical of just accepting people's claims. Too many people have ruined other people's lives by falsely claiming some terrible crime. You should not be able to put a person in prison just because you claim they did something (no matter how terrible).
Thank you! Unloading all of this early on is needed for educating people who jump in to make you uncomfortable and judge and don’t let you speak. There’s a reason that man is single and was extremely rude… told the story to my single girlfriends and they can see the issue clearly. Appreciate the sentiment.