Are there others in long term relationships that have relationship issues? I know there is love in our relationship but I am realizing there are a lot of lies in our relationship. It’s mostly coz of his anxiety to face uncomfortable truth. His immediate reaction when he is confronted with something uncomfortable is to lie. I don’t want to throw away a 10 year marriage but this is cutting me deep! I am a bit lost.

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likeuplifting

THIS ⬆️ especially after reading more details below.

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Have you talked to him about how you are losing trust in him because of his many lies and how it is affecting you?

Yes. Many times
He is very remorseful
I know he loves me. He knows I love him. Other than this flaw we really have an enviable relationship to outsiders.
I know if something happens to me, he will be there for me and vice versa. None of this is malicious but it still impacts me.

The things he lies about… maybe this provides additional context

1) we have an open relationship but a rule that we should tell each other about it. But he hasn’t been open with me and I find out things later. He says it is because he is embarrassed
2) his purchases. None of these are going to make us bankrupt but I would like to be consulted when it comes to mid level purchases. He hides that. He says he has always been that way.
These are big red flags for me.
He says he will give me his passwords for credit cards etc so I can check what he is buying. I just don’t want to do that. I want to be able to blindly trust.

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