Hey ladies. I recently got a divorce, and I've been feeling like a mess. Losing weight like I never could (maybe the only good thing that's coming out of this), losing hair and losing all confidence that I can move forward and see brighter days. I can't let this affect my job, but it truly is. Sometimes I wonder if I should just quit and come back after a 6-month retreat, but I can't afford that option. How would you help yourself if you desperately needed to stop doing everything but can't?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m also a “stay busy through a breakup” person but for a divorce, I think you can take some time to grieve. It doesn’t have to be 6mo if that rocks your world too much. Would your work and budget accept a 1-3mo time off? A friend took this time to work through other issues, upped her therapy sessions, and set realistic goals for the time (I’m talking journaling, daily walks, and eventually trying new things, not big leaps and bounds on day 1). Her job was there when she came back, she got the time she needed for introspection, and she recalibrated her life for today instead of carrying past traumas with her.

If you can’t take time off, do what you can and set boundaries for your off time. Get off social media for a while. Go outside. Call a friend. Ask yourself “what do I need right now?” and go do that thing. Good luck, keep us posted.

I went through this 6 years ago and so I hope you know you are not alone and it’s also really rough.

One if you don’t have a therapist, I highly suggest it as you need an outlet and a 3rd party one who is paid to listen so you don’t wear out your other relationships, though lean on those where you can just remember to not make it the only thing you talk about with them. And then I journaled as much as possible to continue that outlet for myself, as out is always better than in.

For work, this is where you don’t need to be an overachiever. If it’s a helpful distraction, lean into it. If it’s not, do what you need to do to be productive and then go do whatever you need. For me at the time I leaned into heavily the things I enjoyed but had lost touch with during my marriage and tried to re-find my spark. And I really leaned into what I could control (especially if it was a disagreement or friction point in the marriage). You will get through this but take care of yourself as best as you can during this season.

So sorry for what you're going through. In my experience, not being busy is what helps get through tough times, so I personally wouldn't quit. Make sure you've let people in our team know that you could use their mental support and maybe even support with some of your tasks. Most humans are real at heart and would totally understand your situation.

Really sad to hear that. I went through something similar two years ago, and what helped me was:
1. The gym – four times a week with a personal trainer. It was a bit pricey, but he pushed me so hard that I had no energy left to overthink all the other bullshit going on. There was no option to skip or sit around feeling sorry for myself.
2. Counseling sessions – that became my safe space to cry, and it really helped a lot.
3. 5-HTP before bed – it actually helped me sleep better, and after a couple of weeks, I felt so much better mentally.

I also jumped with a parachute - but that's optional))

All of that combined... and you know what? I'm engaged now :) looking better than before and and screw that bastard ;)

I wouldn’t share your personal situation at work, with management or HR. Specially if you need your job. I think establishing routines and incorporating downtime if that is what works for you maybe a better option. Also critical prioritize healthy habits as part of your routine, eating nourishing food, exercise even if it is going for a walk in nature, healthy sleep habits. I highly recommend the book “don’t believe everything you think”. Your immediate goal should be to preserve your well being, unless you are independently wealthy you should prioritize retaining your source of income. Take gradual steps to adapt to the new normal with a routine, get social support (it could be therapy, joining a support group, surround yourself with family or friends who could be there for you but watch out for judgment or negativity). They may intend well but if they don’t make your feel comfortable or better it’s best to find a counselor or professional therapy. Force yourself to stop dwelling on the past, avoid fearing the future and focus on what you can do today, try to do one thing at least that gives you joy every day. Practice gratitude, think of what you have and not about what you don’t. You don’t have those “yet” but there are things you can do now that could lead to get what you want in the near future, do them! Allow yourself some downtime if needed (take a few days off/vacation time) but don’t disconnect yourself from your life. Amidst so much change keeping certain routines and specially ensuring keeping your source of stability and income secure is key.

It really depends on your relationship with people at work. In my experience, my immediate group is not good for personal stuff, so I don’t share anything personal. I do have a really good support network outside of my immediate group though and I tend to go toward them and reveal some more, not necessarily everything, but enough so they know there’s something personal going on, etc.

I like the suggestion above about taking a step back, maybe a 1 month vaca or maybe do spread things out, like do 3 day work weeks if a routine would be helpful to you. I would just mention that you have family issues and would like to use your PTO to take off 2 days a week for the next couple months to sort things out.

Have you thought about taking a mental health leave? Doesn’t your state off short term disability?

for hair loss what you can do is:
1. antidundruff shampoo (independently if you have dundruff or not, it helps for hair loss due to reducing inflammation and moderate anti-dht effect)
2. caffeine shampoo

focus on basics:
1. sleep routine
2. healthy food
3. gym
4. therapy with psychologist

take 1 week sick leave or 1 week vacation.
for sure u can