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I feel that way too bud
And never forget it.
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It sounds like a horrible and awkward and very uncomfortable situation.
I empathize completely.
And that’s the solution—get to a point where they feel fully understood by you, that they feel relief when they speak to you.
Not fair that you need to be their “therapist” and no need to sell out your team in the process, but let them feel heard. Once you gain that role, they’ll start to trust you. Once they trust you they’ll take your advice and recommendations. Nurturing that connection may actually get them to a point where you are their favorite person to work with, and they may redeem themselves a bit with you.
It can be tricky, so read up on “mirroring” and gaining trust with difficult people, learn about negotiating (the type that talks down people from ledges and disarms threatening people) I guarantee the tactics will give you something you can use. Frame everything from their interest and their perspective and they’ll likely start to soften.
You’re already taking the brunt to save your team (they’re lucky to have you), so it’s worth a try.
I should note i'm newer to this team so I'm not sure the history of this client in the past. But I'm trying to build a better relationship with them and it is becoming rather difficult for me and causing some general anxiety. I loath seeing their name in my inbox.
Difficult clients are so hard to navigate. Is it something about the work that’s leading them to be that way? Are they just that type of person? When it comes to moving the goalposts especially, I go out of my way to send them communications, make sure everything is laid out in emails so when they do start to chew us out, I refer back to them and ask what changed and ‘work together’ with them to get everything ironed out.
Try to provide questions that your team needs answers for BEFORE progressing the project. Tell the client your team is not able to move forward until you have those answers and then allow them to manage that internally before talking on a call. That forces them to address their internal obstacles before trying to get you to resolve them for them… Best of luck.
Why are so many people such poor communicators? It drives me nuts.
Literally basics 101. I don't get it.
I’ve been on both sides communication is key. Most of these bullies love taking it out on the day to day people. Have a separate standing monthly call with their head person to see how things are going that month go over any issues and to see what you could be doing better.
I like this idea. I just want to be cautious that their direct report doesn't feel like I'm going above their head. If its a recurring touch point I guess that lessens those optics but still a way to make sure I have a way to communicate what is going on.