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I feel this. It's hard knowing that I'd be a better mom if I didn't work, and I'd be a better employee if I didn't have kids. As a historically high achiever, it's hard to feel like you you're not doing either thing 100%.... you can do anything, but you can't do everything. So give yourself grace. Know that choosing to work is giving different benefits to your children than if you chose to stay home and have more time to make fancy meals. It's not better or worse, just different. The important thing is that you're happy with what you're choosing. Write a pros and cons list. For me, I gave up 25% of my income to have those hours back with my kids. I still don't feel like I'm doing either well-enough, but overall, I think it's the best balance for our family.
Thanks for sharing.. helps me feel better to know that my feelings and desires are not totally misunderstood
I ended up pumping the brakes a bit at work so I’m not sacrificing my children’s childhood. They’re still ultimately my happiness. I really hope you’re able to get help. Being a mom is so hard.
Same boat here. And my group/team is a bunch of men that have stay at home wives or are single. I get told that my situation is “unique.” It’s exhausting, I put in work hours early/late so I have family time and it’s draining. But I feel if I don’t have high enough utilization, I’ll just get shit on because of my “unique” situation.
I don’t know how to deal with those people. I have personally started to work on engagements with people outside of my office that have values more in line with mine. It’s been great. I have been able to work around family obligations (they have them too).
Does your husband / partner know this ?!
Not really
Do you have a therapist? Or good coach at work?
Not really. I think I need one but the same issue arises... I can't find the time to do these things. Life is just moving past me so fast.
When I read your post I see how much expectation you put on yourself. It seems like if you’re not the “most” mom or the meal is not “grand” it’s not worthy. It’s very unreasonable to expect yourself or anyone to be so grandiose. There are billions of people in this world and maybe 1 % is the best and the most at something… that doesn’t make the rest unworthy. Maybe you subconsciously judge those who are average, and that makes you so harsh on yourself.
I remember always struggling with guilt that I was not my best in either place. If you have the option or ability to go to a part time or modified schedule that might allow you more balance.