My firm just announced a “mandatory” weekend retreat at a resort three hours away. It’s being billed as a chance to “strengthen collaboration,” but between travel, two nights away from home, and the $400 I’ll have to shell out for childcare, it feels more like a punishment than a perk. Last year’s “bonding” involved trust falls, karaoke, and awkward icebreakers about our “spirit animals.” I already work 60+ hours a week—why is sacrificing my limited free time somehow a requirement for being a team player? Do you think these forced bonding events actually work, or are they just expensive distractions?

I’m in house but have had to travel for work at both companies I’ve been at. At my last company I did multiple single day trips by flight - fly in at night, sleep over, work all day, fly home that evening. Also did 3 days at a resort.

I’m going to Milan for a week for a meeting in the fall, Vegas for a week in the winter, and then Chicago later next year. I have 3 kids so it’s not like I’m a single guy but a weekend retreat seems like no big deal to me.

Depends on your goals. If you want to be a partner soon and/or have a firm leadership role, be there with bells on. If you want a job as a lawyer at the firm, bill time, make the firm money, and don’t be a jerk—everything else is optional.

I think that's too much, they can't expect everyone to be able to participate. Also, who will actually be working during this period?

This probably depends on firm size, but I'm at a small firm and the annual retreat is something I now genuinely look forward to. Admittedly, I feel that way now because I have children--before children it felt like just another weekend of work (I have to wake up early on a Saturday?!). But now it feels like a vacation. We get spa treatments, good meals, I have down time and nobody else to put to bed or wake up, etc. It also does make me feel closer to my colleagues. We enjoy each other's company and will be retelling stories from the retreat all year. But again, that's where the small firm size comes into it I think. We're a one office firm so these are the people I work with every day. Also my husband is able to keep the kids so I'm not paying for childcare, which would change things.

Not a popular opinion -
Roll with it. Be a team player. Invest in the firm. If you don’t aspire to be a partner then be as self righteous as you want to be.

I simply wouldn’t go lol

Expense the childcare. It is work related (mandatory).

...my husband's former company did this in 2021. We affectionately refer to his time at Covid Camp, because that's where he caught it from somebody who was supposed to test negative.

Just have plans and say you won’t be able to attend you’ve got preplanned travel

My old firm used to do this. But it was optional, during the week and we received some billable credit. I think there is some value in it when they do it well but I don’t think it should be mandatory.

Wow, that seems frustrating. Usually, those offsites are during work days. Sometimes, I think these tools work because if you get more familiar with at least one person, it's a good thing (e.g., having another resource). However, I don't think it should be during your personal time.

That's crazy. This shouldn't be on a weekend. Can you make a subtle suggestion to a partner you trust? I'm sure others feel the same.

I don't get why some companies feel the need to create a ''family place at work'' we are co workers not family. We should all be adults do our job assist others when needed (I know we don't live in a perfect world) If participating in these events is mandatory, then it would be appropriate for the company to cover any associated cost ensuring that employees are not financially burdened for activities outside their regular responsibility. Besides I know for me I like to keep work and personal separate, I no for me I value the time I have outside of work to recharge and create memories especially with my children

These events could very well facilitate a stronger relationship between you and the other employees and also establish your reputation as a team player and likeable person. However, if you really don't want to go and it just sounds like a labor camp to you, just use your childcare issue as an excuse and say you can't afford to.

Retreats are a waste of your free time but nevertheless absolutely necessary for your career. Try to look like a team player and hope that there is some effective leadership.

So my husband is a software guy, and when his company did this in the summer of 2022, he got COVID.

Go along with it enthusiastically—all the way up to the day—-then boom, you’re sick (likely Covid). Done. You’re welcome!

I’m a BD guy and I’ve been involved in these kinds of events for multiple firms - both presenting at them, participating in them and organising them.

Retreats / team building weekends are most obviously useful to ambitious associates (and partners) as not only are you seen to be at them and therefore committed - but they are also a platform where you can network with your peers, network differently with your boss / senior leaders and depending on what you are good at - karaoke / sport / drinking / being charming - perhaps impress seniors and peers in ways you can’t in the office. They are also great places to pick up gossip, and to find out who are the most ambitious and liked associates at the firm (they will tend to be on the platform or leading activities) and that’s useful information and again the ambitious associate (or partner) will tend to imitate their behaviours. And then there is all the rara stuff - the financials, the big matters, the key learnings which might actually be useful and you might enjoy collaborating with your partner / leader to present on your area of practice and emerging trends / new cases whatever - because it’s fun to get recognised for more than just being a workhorse!

BUT It feels like this isn’t your vibe.

You aren’t focused on becoming a partner. You are focused on doing 60 hours (seems a lot) and billing and getting paid. In that case attendance at these events - unless you actually enjoy them - is kind of optional. If you don’t enjoy them and have little interest in networking / gossip / recognition and advancement - then don’t go.

And that’s easy especially when you have kids and you are a useful and efficient work horse.

You stress your child care commitments and the difficulty you are having in getting good child care for this weekend. And you don’t go and it’s not a big deal. Say things like you really hope to go next year and you are so jealous of others going! And don’t make too much of a meal about it as no one really cares.