Should your spouse tell you if they are drinking or getting high? Should you care? Should you care if you have kids?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

OP, that is classic gaslighting. If he is hiding bottles he knows that what he is doing has crossed the line into substance abuse. I recommend contacting Al-anon to get some support. Big hugs and I am so sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else.

like

It’s not ok. Don’t let him convince you that your gut is wrong.

like

Sending best wishes for inner strength.

like

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I would be upset and concerned in this situation, too. I hope you are able to work it out or find support. "Should you care"? Especially when your kids are involved? Of course. That's not a shortcoming.

like

This is a tough scenario and I’m sorry you’re going through it. I recommend speaking with a therapist for advice on how to approach the situation. The sneakiness is concerning and it does sound like he has a dependency.

Good luck!

like

‘Where there’s secrets, there’s shame.’ Heard that from my therapist when I finally started speaking to someone about what my husband and I were going through. I second the commenter who said you are being gaslit. You are not in the wrong here. Listen to the voice in your head and your gut. If you suspect something is wrong, there is. Yourself and your kids come first. ❤️

like

How much Id care/feel the need to know would somewhat depend on circumstance, but in general I would be bothered if I discovered my spouse was hiding use of substances/I was put in a situation where I realized they were under the influence and hadn't told me. I think that's true regardless, but parents should be aligned on boundaries of substance use around children, and I'd also want to be able to trust my spouse was being reasonably responsible even when away from us. Regardless of whether you're actually overreacting in your specific scenario, if it bothers you, it's an issue worth discussing. If your spouse is minimizing your feelings or telling you that you shouldn't care, and isnt willing to talk through it to share what's going on/find a solution to make you more comfortable/adjust behavior, at best they're disrespecting your feelings, at worst they're gaslighting you. I *do* think parents can go out and have a good time responsibly and I don't need to know every detail when my spouse comes home; I trust him. But again, if I did feel uncomfortable or felt like there was a red flag somewhere, I'd want to talk about it and expect my spouse to listen and want to find a resolution. And that's completely reasonable.

like

Hiding alcohol bottles and refilling bottles with other liquids is textbook alcoholic behavior.

like

Absolutely. So sorry you’re in this situation.

like

Related Posts

Does this job get any better? Been working non stop since I’ve started, having trouble sleeping the limited hours I have outside of work, and seeing my mental health get affected

like

Hello to all,
If you need someone to save from addiction we can try.
Just contact me

like

Has anyone here tested positive with only stomach issues?

like

Just checked my bags and my nw is down 35% in the last 24 hours. I’m numb to it. To the mf moon. Send it

likefunny

I live in South Loop and want to take 290 to go west out to the suburbs tomorrow. Am I going to have any issues with marathon closures?

like

What gym is the best in this city? I don't take a ton of classes so I just want a clean gym to lift weights. I'm looking for a mix of good value, large amount of equipment, and minimal wait times if possible

like

Anyone noticed that with aerobic / cardio exercises it gets more difficult to focus? It is like my mind a TV and someone else gets the remote and goes through every channel every 30 seconds or so

like

Anyone a manager? I’m recently diagnosed (26F) and I can’t help but beat myself up everytime I fall short of my to do list. Makes me feel like a huge disservice to my team. I’ve been trying vitamin D and working out, but it makes my “highs” and “low” SO extreme. The simplest things are so complex in my mind.

If anyone feels similar, how do you manage these feelings? I’m personally considering switching to an individual contributor role, but can’t help but feel like a disappointment if I do.

like

It’s looking like my job is gonna start asking us to return to the office. We have an open office plan and before we wfh FT I would save all my work for my telework days bc I can’t get shit done in the office. I’m having major anxiety about them making this decision. I know I’m not alone that people don’t want to return to the office. My ADHD and the open office just makes working from the office a nightmare and I’m feeling really nervous and kind of resentful.

like

How can one overcome anxiety when presenting?

like

I spent an hour today sitting with one of my patients getting a chemo infusion. Lonely and weird time to not have his wife in there with him

like

Oral surgeon recommendations in the area? I need to get my wisdom teeth removed.

like

Has anyone had success with doneadhd or cerebral? Please share your thoughts on the online services!

likehelpful

Has anyone tested positive with COVID while pregnant? My spouse just tested positive and I’m staying someplace else to keep safe. But curious how worried I should be if I end up getting the virus?

like

Anyone just out of first trimester struggling with sciatica pain on right side? It’s excruciating and not sure how to alleviate - I read up on some stretches?

like

Has anyone here tried pregmune?

like

Anyone got a lasik surgery in the Atlanta metro area in the last few years? I am thinking of getting one and interested in knowing more about where to get it from, your experience and other feedback. Thank you.

like

PLTR is crushing it the past two weeks.

likehelpful

Any meditation stories on recovery anyone willing to share? Did you have break through moments during meditation?

like

More Posts

Why would recruiters reach out to me, say they want to talk, then not follow up? Should I call them instead?

like

Hi! I’m an assurance senior w/ a few engagements under my belt. Interested in moving into industry. Open to a lot of things - internal audit, forensic accounting, real estate or fixed asset accounting, or generally any kind of senior accountant role for an interesting company. I’m in the Philadelphia area - any company reccs?

Also, what should I say my salary expectation is? Already making in the range of $85-88k.

like

Sr Associate - Product Management

What could be the salary range for this considering 2 Yoe.

If anyone is currently in this role, please dm

like

Any handy roll-off memes?

like

Been wearing this one quite a bit recently. Anyone else feel like the red bezel BB doesn’t get as much attention? I personally love the pop of the Tudor Red

Post Photo
like

Forcing me to use my standing desk

Post Photo
likefunnyuplifting

Hello Fishes, could anyone please help with PwC referral? 3years of experience in Internal Audit, Risk and Analytics. Thank you in advance

like

Got a call for Jamaica location, QA role.
It’s through some Indian consultancy. They would pay in INR (2.5 lakh per month) .
Is that good to go and survive in Jamaica. Accommodation would be from consultancy.

like

Hi all! I just moved to Austin and know absolutely no one. If you’re in your mid to late twenties and are interested in adding a queer girl to your friend group, let me buy you a drink! Shameless, I know, but you gotta do what you gotta do. My interests include Michigan football, bar hopping, water sports, and real estate 🙂

likefunny

I am working in CG as a consultant with close to 9 years of experience and 9 lacs CTC. Is it ok or should the package be more? Can I ask HR for salary correction? What is the range like in the B2 level?

like

Which Big Law firms in San Francisco/Bay Area have good L&E groups? Good as in legitimate group and not some group that claims to do the work but really just writes blog posts and answers some advice and counsel questions. Amongst those, any intel on culture, WLB, etc.?

like

I have an accounting degree and am looking for something where I spend most of my time using excel. Surprisingly, audit —at least at my company— doesn’t really do that. Any suggestions would be helpful.

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post, it’s my first time so please excuse me!

like

India is realizing the downside of socialist policies

Post Photo
like

Hi Guys, I am notice period with 30 days remaining, having 12+ exp in java, spring boot, microservices. Need the reference for applying to major banks like Credit Suisse, Master card, Barclays, Citi, Deutsche, BOA, JP Morgan etc..
Kindly help...

like
like

Have offer from Nagarro Gurgaon. Is it possible to relocate to Bangalore post covid instead of Gurgaon ?

Hey Fam, I just had my first session with a therapist today and I’m actually feeling pretty good about it. Any tips on starting the process? It’s definitely overwhelming to try to cover everything...

like

Constantly homesick, has been going on since I moved. Any tips to help get over it?

I have Cognizant offer 25 LPA & EY 29 LPA
YOE 9
Does cognizant match the counter offer?

Also while negotiate counter offer it requires share complete offer latter? Instead of screen sort of CTC break up

like

Anyone use air table for PM? Looking for pros and cons. Thanks in advance!

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal