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Hi,
If I get referred at IBM, get a mail for details from the HR but do not reply as I currently don't want to switch because of some reasons, can I get referred again after say 3 months?
Asking cuz the profile blocks for an year after applying/getting referred at Accenture.
Please help with the answer.
IBM
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IMO there is no right option. Everything is hard but eventually gets easier with time. You pick an option and don’t look back. We women are built to do hard things, we will problem solve and use our community to get to a better place. Financial security is number 1 thing, imo, that gives you options and so I solve for that. I’d go ahead and transfer and let the universe decide the outcome. Whatever the outcome you will do great. I went through similar dilemma and transferred my second at 43. Good luck.
Thank you ❤️
I’m going to say something that potentially sounds unhinged, but I would have the second kid if you think divorce is on the table. As a child of divorced parents I sincerely appreciate having my sister.
I don’t think that is unhinged at all. This is the feedback I was looking for. I really want to do what’s best for my son at the end of the day. I don’t want it to end in divorce, but I’m trying to be realistic
You wouldn't have come this far if you didn't want it. Its hard, 100%. But not trying may leave you feeling with regret and always wonder what if. Like someone said, move forward, dont look back and then handle the best you can.
Thank you. I think this is what I’ll end up doing but things with my husband have just made me think I’ll be on my own sooner than I think. To be clear he doesn’t want a divorce, but, he’s emotionally abusive and it’s taken me a long time (and therapy) to realize how we’re living isn’t sustainable
The good news: your life is already set up for 2. It’s not that much more work to prep breakfast x2, drop kids at daycare x2, etc. Also with your age gap, 3yo/4yo when baby arrives will be more helpful than jealous and can play independently a bit as needed.
The bad news: with your age gap you’ll have some logistical challenges sooner than later (I do too). Like if the older one starts at a different preschool and/or activities like soccer. This is where it’s really helpful to have two active parents so maybe get into couples therapy soon if you can to see if that can be salvaged. Also bedtimes can be a challenge if your older one isn’t falling asleep independently (would suggest working on this throughout pregnancy).
Not really, he lived in another state. We would spend a week or weekend here and there until I was like 12 and then nothing at all. I imagine it will be much easier if you two stay nearby and can alternate weeks or days of the week. My husband grew up with that setup and it was fine.
Having raised 2 kids, 2 years apart, personally I wouldn’t want to do it without a SO. Perhaps if you have family that could help, it may be different. I ended up leaving my exec level career when I had my second child & staying at home with the kids until both kids were in school full time & then having a nanny. Please do what’s truly best for you.
Mentor
I feel like 0 to 1 was harder than 1 to 2. However, I had my SO for it.
I grew up in a single parent household (without a present father) and value the relationship I have with my brother tremendously.
It's great that you are trying to be practical. In your position, I'd proceed with the second with my eyes wide open.
It’s wonderful! Hard AF not going to lie trying to add more logistics to your brain and give both equal attention and not feel guilty. But my first thought is simply “wonderful”, my 18mo and 5yo are now playing together and making each other belly laugh, I only imagine it gets better
Good luck! Happy thoughts 🥰 I found myself enjoying the baby phases so much more 2nd time around too, much more confident and going with the flow
I have a 5 month old and a 2.5 year old, both through IVF, and I was promoted 3 months before I delivered my second. Honestly, for me, going from 1-2 was so easy. Your world was already rocked and changed my one - having 2 is truly a lot easier to manage, at least for me.
I will say, I do think you need a village and/or a supportive spouse. We have a nanny and one set of very active grandparents to make both careers (including mine in leadership) work.
Answer this to see if it helps. Imagine you cancel the transfer. What are your feelings and thoughts?
Failure that my life isn’t going the direction I wanted. Feel guilty I couldn’t give my son a sibling. The only good coming from canceling is I know I can be a single mom of one kid and figure that out. I think my issue is I want to hope for the best and prepare for the worst but I can’t do both of those at the same time. My only family here is my 82 yr old dad, who is my best friend but he’s not helpful in the sense that I can put too much on him.