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What's a guilty pleasure you indulge in at work?
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Hi DI folks, how were the hikes last year??
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It’s inappropriate to comment in that manner, period.
May not be the definition of harassment if it happens once, but whoever said it should have let that be an “inside thought”
“You look great” = compliment
“You should wear more skirts because your legs are very toned” = weird and creepy. Don’t do this.
I think it’s fine to pay someone a compliment but then zip your mouth. In this case, it’s ok to tell someone they look great in their outfit. What is not ok is telling them they should wear it more often (no one should tell anyone what they SHOULD be doing regarding their appearance) or specifically telling them what part of their body looks good in it.
I think the only way this would be appropriate is if you were both body builders.
I was a competitive bodybuilder and absolutely hated coworkers commenting on my physique; it was awkward and uncomfortable. I didn’t comment on theirs as I had enough social intelligence to know better.
If it feels uncomfortable/makes you uncomfortable it’s inappropriate. The intention may or may not be creepy. But something about who says it, how they say it, the non verbal demeanor- and how you feel combines to determine. But Honestly I’ve had male gay colleagues say stuff like this, and it hasn’t made me feel uncomfortable bc I know they’re openly gay/it’s been non threatening and they’re genuinely commenting bc they noticed. So we have to be careful of our own biases too.
The context of the roles of the people involved matters - supervisor to subordinate? Colleagues? It definitely would strike me as a bit creepy, but the power dynamics matter in terms of how a company would handle it.
That doesn’t matter as much as you are positioning it to.
Here's a thought. Next time you have a compliment for someone say, you look happy instead of wear more skirts because your legs are toned.
It’s a completely inappropriate and unprofessional comment that should not be made by anyone you work with. If it doesn’t offend you, it still could offend someone else if they heard it. Why anyone in this day and age would say something about someone else’s body in a work situation is beyond me.
Super inappropriate comment. No context would make that ok in a work or even personal context EXCEPT if the person was a super good friend of yours (and as a good friend would know if you'd appreciate it or not.
You asked where the line is (which that comment is waaaaaay past!) - I'd say in general
- telling someone they should wear something or do something in relation to their appearance is not ok
- calling out a specific body part (especially one that is frequently sexualised like legs, chest etc) is not ok
- commenting on specific clothing is maybe ok (as long as it's not something that could be perceived as sexualised eg if wearing a lower cut top or shorter skirt)
- commenting on someone's general appearance is maybe ok ("you look great")
- safest appearance related compliment is if someone has clearly changed something (new glasses, new haircut), I'd say it's usually ok to compliment that
- in all of the above, gender dynamics and power dynamics are relevant/should be considered
In general though... if they haven't asked your opinion on their appearance, I generally just wouldn't comment unless you are very sure the compliment will be appreciated
It’s dependent upon the perception of the recipient. If she is uncomfortable it crossed the line. I can’t think of a good reason for a colleague to tell me how to dress.
Totally inappropriate.
I would say the comment was in poor taste and definitely inappropriate. Unless you have a pervasive situation where there are multiple examples like it, unlikely that it would qualify as “sexual harassment”. That said, it doesn’t need to qualify as sexual harassment to simply be wrong and inappropriate. Not to mention, creepy. Making comments about anyone’s body - good or bad - in the workplace, should always be off limits.