27 year old who has never been in a relationship, never dated seriously, is now regretting not being more active about dating. Never even held hands with anyone. Are there more like me??? If so—please share success stories too! 🧐

30 and never been in a relationship 🙋‍♀️ I’ve done a lot of self reflecting lately to reevaluate how I feel about my status. I had my head buried in school, worked for four long years in biglaw, throw COVID in there and when did I really have time to date? I bet you’re in similar spot. I would also like to hear some more success stories but just know you’re not alone! We just haven’t met our people yet.

Consider yourself lucky. Most of them out there are looking for a mommy and you’ll feel like you have a child, not a partner. If and when you do enter the murky waters of dating, ask for 1. Credit report, 2. STD/labs, 3. Financial portfolio.

Separate bank accounts. Prenup.

Best advice I ever got was to only get into a relationship when I didn’t need anything from another person. When we try to fill a void in our lives by expecting another person to fill them for us through an intimate relationship, it’s doom to fail from day 1.

-Married 11 years, together 14, and licked the floor of hell to make it work. Worth it, but not for the faint of heart.

Ha! You are like me many years ago.
I met my now husband (first ever boyfriend) through a friend at age 28. We married when I was 30. Had my first child at 31. My second child at 33. Married happily for over a decade with a loving family. Don’t worry but don’t be afraid to go out there to meet people!!

Go on dates for the free food. If you had fun, go on another for more free food. Ask not what you can do for the patriarchy, but what the patriarchy can do for you

Only had two "real" relationships before I met my husband (one senior year of high school and one just after law school), and frankly neither was really the kind of long-term, serious relationship all my friends seemed to have through high school, college and law school. Met my husband when I was 32, got engaged at 33 and married at 34, then at 37 I had our son. Looking back, those other relationships or potential relationships didn't seem quite right bc they weren't. All worked out just like it was supposed to for us, and I hope the same happens for you!

Are you not interested in men? Never held hands seems like a lot - maybe try dating a woman? I’m speaking as a person who is married to a woman, so it worked for me.

I started legitimately dating when I was 31. Not religious, no sexual trauma, none of the usual obstacles (for which I'm grateful), but from a dysfunctional family that made it hard to have a life apart from them, had (and continue to manage) my own mental health challenges, and I was very focused on professional success as my way out of a hereditary cycle of pain.

I'm 38 now and very happily married. We met when we were both 33. The two years prior to meeting my husband was a steep learning curve when it came to relationships that in some ways I wish I'd confronted sooner. However, I had far more wisdom and resources as a 31 and 32 year old to cope with rejection, loneliness, and other volatile emotions that could come with dating than I would have had as a younger person.

My only regret, if you could call it that, is that my husband and I didn't get the benefit of more "young" years together. But he always reminds me that everything that came before meeting each other shaped us into the people we are, the person each of us loves.

The path to connection might not be easy, especially these days, but it's definitely possible. Be kind to yourself!

Not alone! 30 and never dated. When I was younger it was mostly due to a super conservative upbringing, older it’s more due to lack of dateable guys. I’m not trying to be super picky, I think single, over 25 and not living with their mother is a reasonable standard, but you’d be surprised…

This thread is literally the most amazing thing I have found to date on this app.

I’m 40. I wanted a boyfriend in high school, college etc. Had some hookups, lots of unrequited crushes. Just never clicked. Started work and stopped really trying at about 30. I realized that our culture pushed the idea of finding someone so hard - and it would be nice I’m sure! - that it makes you just feel like a failure if it just hasn’t happened/you don’t want to put in that effort.

I still occasionally enjoy flirting, but realized I just am kind of on the ace/aro scale and I am pretty happy with my life. It’s only really awkward in events full of couples. And even then I’ve gotten better at just being comfortable with that, which makes others comfortable too.

I’m just really relieved that there are others out there!

Same boat here and I am turning 30 soon. Wanted to start dating but covid happened and I'm too afraid to meet new people.

I’m curious, why you haven’t been interested in dating until now?

Oh hey are you me? I dip into dating every now and again and then drop right out when I stop having fun (which normally happens very quickly). Don’t have any advice, just want to say that you’re not alone at all!

I met my first and only boyfriend soon after my 30th birthday. I’m 32 now and we’ve discussed getting married and we’re searching for engagement rings. I wish I was younger because I worry about being too old to have kids, but I think I saved myself a lot of heart ache by focusing just on school and not dating as a younger person.

I’m 34, been on a LOT of dates, dated a few guys for a few months here and there but it never seems to go anywhere. I’m not super interested in sex TBH and everyone else seems obsessed with it (I’m not asexual but I think below average). No success story to share but you are not alone! Agreed that men are a bit overrated and often feel like a child you need to mom rather than a partner, especially when you’re a high achieving lawyer type who has your life together and they, uh, do not.

I turned 27 a few months ago and the realization/regret just hit me this year as well haha. Been aggressively doing the online dating thing ever since. Crossing my fingers for both of us!

My first real relationship was at 31, I’m 35 now and he’s my husband now! While I wasn’t in serious relationships prior to him, I had a good amount of fun prior to. Get on the apps, put you self out there, and have some (safe) fun! You’re still so young.

Girl you have nothing to worry about. I had never had a boyfriend until I was 32, almost 33. I had situationships, but nothing official. I had been on apps for 7 years. I swore there was something wrong with me. But then I met my now fiancé, and it just clicked. We are getting married next year, a few days after I turn 35. Just keep trying!

I was just like you. Everyone’s experience is different. But when I finally decided that I wanted to date someone in my late 20s, I thought I had everything down. I made sure we were exclusive, made sure he was looking for a serious relationship, etc. Oh boy — he was the biggest serial cheater ever. I really wanted to make the relationship work too because he was my first everything. I think it was just my luck — because he was really good at not appearing like the “cheating type.” I am now in my 30s, and I haven’t dated anyone since. I wouldn’t say this experience is the only reason why I’m not dating. I still believe there are good people out there. I don’t know if I’m too naive, but it was just such a total shocker to experience a cheating man that I would rather be alone than risk going through something like that again. It was a very anti-climatic first “relationship” that lasted for years. I now don’t believe in second chances. People can change, but their core personality traits generally don’t change—especially the cheating ones, ha!

My sister got her first kiss at 28. They’ve been happily together for 6 years now. She was just extremely shy.

I’m trying to wrap my head around how one could just not date/never have been in a relationship well into their 30s. I was already getting lots of male attention at 11 (yes, guys my own age). I figured at some point it was worth giving someone a chance to get to know them. For those who held out this long… how? Did you just never have the “sure, I’ll give them a chance, I’ll talk to them for a bit” click for you?