27 year old who has never been in a relationship, never dated seriously, is now regretting not being more active about dating. Never even held hands with anyone. Are there more like me??? If so—please share success stories too! 🧐

30 and never been in a relationship 🙋‍♀️ I’ve done a lot of self reflecting lately to reevaluate how I feel about my status. I had my head buried in school, worked for four long years in biglaw, throw COVID in there and when did I really have time to date? I bet you’re in similar spot. I would also like to hear some more success stories but just know you’re not alone! We just haven’t met our people yet.

Consider yourself lucky. Most of them out there are looking for a mommy and you’ll feel like you have a child, not a partner. If and when you do enter the murky waters of dating, ask for 1. Credit report, 2. STD/labs, 3. Financial portfolio.

Separate bank accounts. Prenup.

Best advice I ever got was to only get into a relationship when I didn’t need anything from another person. When we try to fill a void in our lives by expecting another person to fill them for us through an intimate relationship, it’s doom to fail from day 1.

-Married 11 years, together 14, and licked the floor of hell to make it work. Worth it, but not for the faint of heart.

31 cis female, hetero, also never really dated. Forced myself to try a few dates as an adult, but always felt insanely anxious and awkward. Lot of bad memories from when I was a kid, everyone else acting like I was the ugliest thing they'd ever seen, or asking me out on a dare as a joke. I just grew to expect "interest" was secret mockery. Find it hard to trust anyone. That's partly from my upbringing, too. And I might be gray-ace. Not aromantic, unfortunately, so I'd like to be loved, but I might have issues connecting on a sexual level, and I can't stand much more emotional pain. I'm not sad about it. I control my own life. And I have cats. Cliche, but they give me affection on shared terms without betrayal.

I got married and divorced young. Had a couple long term relationships that were very bad. Then was single or in shitty friends with benefits for a while with a few different guys. I didn't want to be with any of them seriously anyway, but it was still damaging to me bc they didn't value me and I also didn't value myself.

I decided about 38 I did not want to be alone but I didn't need a man to help me with my life either. I was secure.

I got on Tinder (thought it was noncommittal) and simply asked guys to do fun outdoors stuff with me. Take me winter hiking. Teach me to ice skate (I moved to Canada from the South US). Let's go snow shoeing. Let's hunt for antiques. Let's watch hockey.

It was the pandemic, so we did everything outdoors and it wasn't weird at all. I was meeting a dude for an adventure. That's it!

I did meet someone after a couple months though. It's been 2 years and we are still very much together. I've recently realized I'm nuerodivergent (ADHD but maybe autism too) and he's great for me.

If you want to meet someone, I do suggest the "find an adventure party" route. It's low stress and you do still get ti have adventures. And if he doesn't reach his hand out to help steady you as you jump a little frozen waterfall, you don't have to hike with him again!

Also, just because you don't have dating experience doesn't mean you missed out. Much of mine was traumatic and made my nuerodiversity much harder to deal with. If I could have known, I'd have skipped most of those relationships completely and been on my own. I was exploited. ❤️

My parents met and got married in their 30s (my mom was 35) and had me when my mom was 41. It was her first marriage and my dad’s second. And they didn’t even have covid or law school to contend with! A lot of people are in the same boat, it will all work out! You’re still super young (I’m 27 also and have to continuously remind myself of this, but it’s true!)

Just want to tell you, you are lucky to have avoided the absolute cess pool of so, so, so many douchebags I dealt with in my 20's. After 30's things got better, so maybe you dodged a bullet! haha

Tread lightly, it’s pee in the dating pool.

Yea girl! This is super common. This was me. Finally decided to get on a date app and met my husband on coffee meets bagel at age 30. Married at 32. Baby at 36. You’ve got time. The hardest part is putting yourself out there. At least for me it was hard bc I just didn’t know how to do it. Dating apps made it easy cause it was clear I was looking to date, even though my standard vibe was not interested… just how I was perceived, I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️

Just WHAT sort of angelic protection you have ?!!! 🤍

I thought I was a late bloomer/inexperienced without having been kissed until 18 and I have a low body count of 2 guys. My parents had a horrible marriage and I was not interested in having my life ruined or making someone miserable because that’s most of what I saw. I’m married now, he’s my rock and I love him. I’d recommend being cautious and have friends set you up because you might not have the experience to weed out players/losers/crooks. Also having been single and being in a relationship too I was miserable and happy in both at times. Having a man is overrated. I’d focus on building close friendships and loving yourself fully- take yourself on dates, find joy, masturbate, be confident. If there is anything that’s blocking you like past trauma etc get that worked on; hypnosis, bodywork, etc work wonders.

29 never been in an official relationship. In college and law school I had regular sexual partners. I’ve not had sex in four years by choice and I’m now getting pretty serious about dating/wanting kids. I believe I’m having some success and have some decent contenders, so we’ll see where this goes.

I’m 26 and have the same story omg, I just had to give up on dating for a while bc each time I tried to put myself out there it sucked so bad. I also live in an area where dating is a perpetual cycle of chaos and disaster so I’ve decided to ignore men until I get into law school and hopefully become an atty 🤷🏾‍♀️ lol

I am so happy to read this post and the many others that followed it. I often think of the girls, like one of my best friends… forced into marriage, raped by her fiancée, and then forced to remain in a marriage despite incessant emotional and mental abuse. I wish life was as gentle to my friend as it was to me and you… hearing her story I came to realize how lucky i was even though I too found love a little late … if you find a good soul filled with love for you, I hope you feel comfortable and safe to allow it in your life,open your heart and do not push it away… That is exactly what you and every person here deserves. 🤍

Oh man this thread is such a relief. It feels like EVERYONE in the legal field is a serial dater or gets hitched young. I was the only single person in my associate class. Everyone else is getting engaged/married/moving in.

I didn’t date until I was 29. Spent my early 20s avoiding it, my mid 20s in love with a friend who never asked me out, and my late in COVID isolation. My first real love/relationship started right when I turned 30.

Honestly, I found the work/effort thing to be an excuse for myself. Once I got into therapy, I found a lot of long-standing reasons for why I avoided romantic relationships for so long. When I got to law school and saw so many ppl juggling committed relationships with serious careers, it made me realize I had a lot to unpack.

Also, dating is just freaking hard. So many ppl meet via apps, and on apps it’s mostly about marketing and looking hot. It’s a logistical problem for many. I have faith you will figure it out if you take dating as seriously as you do your career.

I was the same until I was 26. Then I randomly met someone and it was love right away. Dating just to date sucks!

29, Never been in a relationship. Started dating after law school 25/26. I've already stopped.

In retrospect, the delay was a good indicator of my overall disinterest in dating. Are you actually interested in being in a relationship? Or just curious because it's something you haven't done.

So much more normal than you might think! Are you feeling ready? You got this :)

If you are looking to get out there, just download some apps and start going on dates. The experience is important because you learn what you do and don’t like about people through these dates.

Well.. the real question is whether you want a relationship and want to do something about it! I recommend tawkify. It’s a matchmaking app. I met my partner there and we are getting married soon. I dated a lot before. Tawkify is expensive, but they curate the people you meet, you have someone working on you 24/7 listening to feedback and qualities that you are looking on a partner and so many other criteria. It saved me up a lot of time of going on dates with people that are aligned with my world views and are looking for the same things. I met my partner on my first date. I went to two dates total.

Following!!! Same boat

I’m in my mid thirties but also yikes for me. It’s been hard and discouraging dating and I tell myself I need to shift my mindset but it’s not working lol

You are not alone! My best friend is an outgoing, sexy, smart, etc. etc. 28-year-old NYC lawyer who is in the exact same boat. People are always surprised when she tells them. Like her, I’m sure you’ll find your person one of these days. Try your best to get out to meet new people. I think it’s a numbers game and luck