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Any news from DPW? 🤔🤔
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It doesn’t get better. Just wait until your kid is old enough to make you feel guilty about working. They ask you to take a day or a few hours off to spend time with them. They ask you why you’re the only parent in the class that wasn’t at some event. They tell you they’d rather move to a smaller house and have you home more often. And they’re usually right…
Coach
Agree with A7 - especially as I got older I’m glad that I had the doctor parents who could pay for college / vacations but couldn’t come to events during the work day. We have a great relationship now
Nothing is more important to your child than spending time with you.
Maybe look for a less demanding job? It will come with a salary cut but your son won’t remember the stuff you buy him, he will remember the memories he makes with you.
I was in a similar situation and had to make a tough call. 100% worth it.
Honestly, exclusively WFH is the only way I've been able to make this work with a now-toddler. That and working with partners who are willing to handle the weekend "crises" (which are so seldom actually emergencies) so I can be largely checked out spending quality time with my kid. I do work a bit at nights after bedtime and occasionally early in the morning, but it is manageable.
Coach
Seconded about WFH (from an M&A midlevel with a toddler and a baby). I don’t like how often I work, but while *uninterrupted* time is scarce, I do manage to get a surprising amount of interrupted time with them. Over the course of the day I am very present and engaged in the aggregate, just heavily interrupted at the micro level.
Not ideal but acceptable given the money and opportunity. If I had to be in the office every day too it would dramatically change my calculus.
I’m sorry. It’s really, really hard, especially with travel. It can also be isolating if others are putting on a front to make it look easy. The only right answer is the one that’s right for you and your family, but just know that if you decide to move on to something else, it’s not a sign that you couldn’t hack it in big law or anything like that (probably projecting here, but I had to work through those feelings). You have a limited number of hours in the day, and it’s ok to decide to allocate them differently than what you’re doing right now. There are plenty of paths to a satisfying career, both within and outside law firms. And you can still lurk in the big law bowl. :)
While I agree with everything said here, I just came here to say that while I also struggle immensely with the guilt, my mom was a single parent and a lawyer who would tell you she was very professionally ambitious. Yes, I complained (and felt genuinely hurt) as a kid about being picked up last or her not coming on field trips or whatever, but we have an amazing relationship and I am grateful every single day for how hard she worked to set me up the way she did. It all worked out. Just try to cut yourself some slack if you can.
Subject Expert
This question always makes me sad because I know the real anguish lying behind it. I’m sorry you’re struggling.
May I ask a few questions?
It doesn’t get easier, it gets harder.
Coach
I went part time and am fully remote and make an effort to spend time with the him and push back on work, including not working weekends unless there’s a major filing due on Monday. It sort of works, and I’m prepared to be pushed out at some point. Spending time with my son is more important, although helping out with bedtime every night is probably more important to my wife than my son.
I’m pretty much fully remote at my current firm. Still hard but makes a huge difference
This is not a perfect solution but for the past year I’ve been basically forcing the time with my toddler (at the expense of my own health and wellbeing) - like I miss 1-2 mornings a week by getting up early to go to the office, but then from the time he’s home from daycare til bedtime, I try to be fully present absent a work emergency. When things are busy, log back on after bedtime, work til midnight. Take no personal time at all. But I figure… I’m not going to miss time for myself as much as I would regret missing time with him. Hit crazy high billable number last year doing this so it’s possible, just not pleasant….
It amazes me that anyone stays in big law for the long haul. This is insane.