Before baby, I was 100% career-driven. Now, I'm finding myself feeling envious of other moms who can work part-time or stay home with their children. The idea of leaving the law sounds so daunting and impossible but my career doesn't seem as important now. I really don't know what I'm asking for but it's starting to get to me. I feel trapped because I am the breadwinner.

I feel the same. Priorities shift once you have children. Mine are now 3 and 1- and I’m less motivated by work each day. Find a firm that supports young mothers and understands. My firm made me partner shortly after giving birth to my first. My hours have significantly reduced, and that’s ok. This is a temporary phase and your kids will only be little once.

I'm in a similar position. I know I don't want to quit entirely but I'd like to be able to reduce my hours. I've been budgeting and working hard on a plan to reduce our expenses and help my husband increase his profitability so that we can afford a pay reduction for me.

I think the only reason we're going to be able to do it is that we picked a LCOL city and I'm at a firm where the partners really value family time and don't expect general availability over weekends or evenings.

There is a huge universe of options between working full-time and being a huge biller/producer, and leaving the law altogether. I strongly recommend exploring those. Also, think practically. How many hours a day do you want with your child? When should those hours be? With a baby, they nap so much, it’s not hard to work 8 hours and be with them 75% of the time they’re awake. You’re smart. Think creatively and figure out a ways to get what you want.

I struggled with this when my 4 year old was an infant. I was the breadwinner and didn’t have a choice. I’m in the Midwest and it’s not uncommon for women to take a career break then jump back in when they’re ready.

Once my son turned 2, I started to have career goals again. That said, we have finally decided for me to work part time for a few years. I have missed so much and want to be there for school plays, sports games, and even walking him to and from school.

I’m quitting big law for this reason. My boss is female but doesn’t have any kids, so I think she’s part of the problem as well. It’s not the practice area that I want to be in for any much longer, let alone decades, although I don’t know if this would’ve mattered if I had some semblance of work-life balance. I switched to part-time and it still wasn’t working out for me, so I’m exiting. I’m going to do what I’ve always wanted to do. It comes with a steep pay cut, but my time in big law taught me that there’s so much more to life than money and life style. My husband will also be forced to step up.. which is also another problem/issue in and of itself.. but just commenting to let you know that there are options. You just have to decide what works best for you. FWIW, because I was the breadwinner with multiple kids, it took me more than half my career to make this decision for myself.

This is me. I’m not the breadwinner but my priorities have shifted and I want to be home with our little one. I’m going to ask my work to go reduced hours because this past week (first week back) was brutal.

It will be worth it to have that time with your children.

Your feelings are normal, especially for a new mom. Just know this stage is temporary- take the time you need now while they are young, there will always be time to shift back to your career once they are older and get in school.

Just want you to know you aren’t alone. My baby is 3 months old and I recently left my firm. I realize I am lucky to be in a position financially where my family can make this work (don’t get me wrong, we’ll have to make some lifestyle changes, but it’s worth it to both of us). I didn’t love my job/firm and we didn’t strictly *need* the money, so I was kind of like… why would I leave my baby with someone else for that? I do plan to get back into the workforce in some capacity in a couple years. BTW I find it interesting what someone said that career breaks are common the Midwest. Here in my VHCOL East Coast city they are almost unheard of.

F

I feel this way and I’m not even a mom - but even becoming an aunt changed that for me. As well as turning 30. I realize that’s young but what we do just seems less important.

Same boat here. I just keep telling myself I do it to give my kid opportunities I didn’t have.

Oh gosh, same. Currently on mat leave and planning to exit my firm because my partnership prospects have evaporated. Figuring out whether I want to stay in private practice (and if so, Big Law?!) or go in house, and how to make that choice work with our family finances feels impossible.

No advice, just solidarity. Being a mother of young kids + the breadwinner is more pressure than I would wish on anyone.

I have a somewhat cushy in house job and still feel this way with a 1 year old. I hate that my baby spends all day either a nanny and not with me, but I also don’t think I’d be fulfilled spending every day with them so it’s a tough place. I work full time with a long commute and we just got RTOd to 5 days and I’m looking for a hybrid role. Being away from home daily is awful and I only get a couple hours in the morning and at night with them, which I hate.
But I also know I cannot take a career break and come back to an equivalent job in a few years