Does anyone have an unsupportive spouse - if so, how do you navigate it? I’m a junior associate in big law and my spouse hates how much I work. I don’t feel like this is unique to big law. I think I’d be busting my a** at any size firm. idk. Just looking for some supportive words/advice.

We divorced is how I handled it. In my case his animosity towards my work was a symptom of a general desire to control me. If that’s even a little what you suspect is going on with your husband, I advise that you also cut and run because it won’t get better when you have kids.

If he just doesn’t want to live the life of a biglaw spouse, that’s a compatibility issue. If YOU want to quit biglaw, do that. If you don’t want to though, it might be time to close the chapter on this relationship.

I’m so sorry! My husband is very supportive, but my ex-fiancé was not. You certainly put in hours in big law, but you’re right, many legal careers will require significant hours. How does he raise this issue? It could be coming from a place that he wants to be able to spend more time w you and wants you to be able to rest more. But if it’s just, I hate how much you work, that’s a diff question.

I can’t rush to judgment without knowing more. Why does he feel that way? Is it because he cares for you and wants to you to not overwork yourself? Because as an outsider, big law hours just seem crazy. Like, what do you mean you are working 24/7? I don’t think you would be working like that at all places. Some places don’t reach out to you after hours or on weekends except on rare occasions. What are your plans with big law? Is it a short term thing because the money is good? Or do you want to be there forever? He might be able to accept it if it’s not forever. That’s when you can get to the root of the issue and work through it (or determine if it’s not something you guys can work through.)

I am very fortunate to have a supportive husband (don’t worry, my life isn’t perfect in other ways). But I feel like we both always focus on one thing: we’re doing this for us. I work these hours because it’s how I’m able to make a lot of money, and that allows us to invest, which will allow us to retire early. So we focus on why we’re doing things and talk through why the sacrifices are worth it. Do I like the hours? No. Does my husband like my hours? No. But it’s not forever and being able to invest all of my biglaw salary will give us things we wouldn’t be able to get otherwise.

Saying something to the effect of “trust me, working all these hours is worse for me than it is for you!” was pretty effective when my husband would occasionally grumble about my work schedule. But, he is overall very supportive so there were no control issues in play like some of the other commenters are mentioning.

My husband is also an attorney but has always been transactional and now is in-house. He hates my job in big law. Hates the hours, hates litigation, and hates the way I’m treated. He rightly hates my compensation, as we are underpaid compared to some of our competitors (and I make only slightly more than him but with way worse hours). I really don’t know what to do about it though because I feel like going to any other firm would be the same, and I’m just not sure in house would be better as the job security tends to be worse. I don’t have much advice except to say that you aren’t alone!

My husband wasn’t unsupportive but he often voiced how concerned with my well being he was when I was in big law. He urged me to take better care of myself and would try hard to get us to spend more time together, and it never worked. He sat me down one day and told me exactly how sad and frustrated he felt seeing me hate my job and have to dedicate so much to it without being able to enjoy the $ I got from it. I finally saw the light and went in house, and he’s not only supportive but I’m so much happier now.

But you have to know whether he’s actually unsupportive because he’s worried or because he’s jealous, or bothered by not being the breadwinner, or just has a bad reason to be unsupportive. If that’s it, it’s much deeper and you need a talk.

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I’m not in big law but I feel the same. He definitely does not like how much I work either

Maybe he just wants to spend more time with you… I’m a lawyer with pretty standard hours, and I have been very upset when my husband has had seasons where he worked around the clock because it was so important to me that I get to spend quality time with him. I understood that he was working hard and being faithful to his job, but it still made me so upset and sad and I am pretty sure I came across as unsupportive during that time. He understood where I was coming from and thankfully was able to get a new job with better hours and we are both much happier now. I just want to add different perspective to the situation in case that helps…