Enthusiast
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Christmas gift ideas for men ?
Enthusiast
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Buy him an expensive divorce
Enthusiast
This might stir the pot but I wouldn’t accept gifts from him if he acts this way. It’s not genuine because he’s setting it as an expectation which isn’t the purpose of gift giving.
Buy him one gift and use it for years
I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt here and say there might be an underlying issue or insecurity he has that is driving this behavior (especially if he generally isn’t an ass). I think couples therapy would be a good place to explore this, because this dynamic isn’t working.
My husband and I are very similar. He was raised in a family that went all out for birthdays and I got like a special homemade meal and maybe one small thing. To me those small things and acts of service mean a lot more to me than the $3k he spends on jewelry or designer clothes so it was really hard for me to understand his POV.
However, I’ve tried to strike a balance in getting him practical luxuries that will last a while or splurging on experiences. There is middle ground to find where he feels like you’ve gone all out and you feel it is a justifiable expense.
He demands it? Yikes. Do you guys ever go out with friends? I would somehow bring up gifting as a topic- like “do you guys find it hard to gift each other after all these years?!” say it in jest or whatever but then point out some of his requests- he’ll have to back them up in front of other people, and him saying it out loud to others may help him hear how ridiculous he sounds… they too will be able to be like, “what are you talking about” - because that’s not normal. I much rather have something heartfelt, or an experience than a flashy new item…
Just don’t get him a gift this year. Say something like maybe this year let’s do meaningful acts for each other on our birthdays to learn to love each other better. Flip the script on him.
Pro
That’s so annoying! Is this an isolated example of how he behaves, or is he always childish and obnoxious?
Enthusiast
Did you know he was a dork when you married him?
That’s very childish. I haven’t ask for anything from my SO
Tell him to buy his own gift and you’ll sign the card
Yikes some people just never grow up. he needs to leave you alone or buy himself his own expensive gifts. I have no expectations of my gf to buy me any gifts whatsoever wtf?
Don’t feel the pressure , buy for him what you deem appropriate and within your budget limits. When the inevitable bitching starts, tell him to eat shit, grow up and deal with it. Who has the most power in your relationship dynamic?
Pro
His behavior regarding this is childish. That being said, he clearly values receiving a gift from you, his love language is probably gift receiving/giving. Based on your post it sounds like he gets you stuff for Xmas and bday. Try to reciprocate as it clearly means a lot to him, then address the way he is acting about this so that he doesn’t behave like a 5 year old but instead focuses on how gifts make him feel appreciated and loved by you or whatever his rationale is
Conveniently skipped what she gets as gifts for her birthdays.
Noticed that. He definitely buys her very nice gifts that I bet she never turns down or rejects.
I would manipulate back. Only way out. Tell him if you'd really love me it wouldn't be about gifts. Repeat that. Don't answer to his arguments. Works like magic. Don't feel guilty. He does it too
Chief
This is the most toxic advice I’ve ever read.
Buy what you think is right. He sounds like a bit of a dick. Don’t let that be OK.
It’s a polar opposite of my ex who would say with a sneer “Don’t go buying me any senseless gifts.” But either way it is very childish and selfish.
Lifes too short, ditch him.
Enthusiast
OptionA Tell him exactly what you said; with the addition of I know January birthday’s get a lot of combo gifts but…
OptionB book an awesome trip to a place you want to go and tell him it’s his birthday present
Enthusiast
OP already said that they’ve paid for full trips to take her ungrateful POS husband out of the house. :/
Does he respond kindly to you being overwhelmed?
In other words, if you broke down crying because the expectation and the desire to see him happy is causing you severe distress…would he take pause? Perhaps see that what he’s asking for is more than he thinks?
I feel like this is worded a specific way to get a response from commenters to agree with you. My love language is gifts and I vocalized to my partner that I would appreciate the same amount of thought I put into the things I buy for him. I buy him way more things just because I like to but when he reciprocates the few gifts are VERY well thought out and/or not cheap.
I also really can’t imagine a relationship where two people who love each other and are well earners DON’T buy each other nice gifts for their birthdays so that kinda sucks for all of y’all in the comments who think this is ridiculous.