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Does this just sound wrong to anyone else?
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Buy him an expensive divorce
Enthusiast
This might stir the pot but I wouldn’t accept gifts from him if he acts this way. It’s not genuine because he’s setting it as an expectation which isn’t the purpose of gift giving.
Buy him one gift and use it for years
Visual Storyteller
I am sorry but how old is this kid that you married?
Sm3 idk what that was about,,,, weird. But anyway yeah he’s clearly a child. Maybe he thinks it’s funny or something and keeps this cringy joke going for some comedic effect? But I think he just needs a bit of a reality check. Take this with a grain of salt because idk if it’s the best advice, but it’s just something that came to mind - as a gift, plan a nice night out. It can be lavish or expensive, but make it a fun night together. Then it’s still a big gift, which seems important to him, but it’s also a chance to have some quality time and really show each other what you mean to each other. Could be great!
Two thoughts.
One you have reached the tit for tat phase of your relationship. OOF. Question is how do you get out of it?
Two it sounds like his love language is gifts. And yours is not. But the point isnt really about you right? So learn to express love in a way that he wants to receive it? Otherwise...?
I was going to ask if his love language was gifts. Read the book together and a)figure out each other’s language b)help each other brainstorm how to show love to the other. My father in law’s giving language is gifts, the more expensive the better, and i have learned over the years to accept them graciously as I am accepting his love. (Im physical touch- i would much rather a hug than an expensive gift)
I mean does he buy expensive gifts for you? If he does then whats the issue? Maybe one of his love languages is receiving gifts so why not get him something if he usually reciprocates as well?
This! This was my exact thoughts. If he goes all out for you and you never reciprocate, I can understand his viewpoint
My four year old is very similar… have you tried taking away your husband’s tablet until he can speak with you kindly?
I have a feeling if the tables were turned and he said “Valentine’s is a made up holiday” and you ‘felt hurt’ by his lack of appreciation for your feelings this would be a different conversation.
Above all, men value appreciation. Maybe he makes this “demand” because he feels you don’t truly appreciate him and your unwillingness to participate in gift giving is part of that.
We don’t do anything but dinner for V-days
Enthusiast
Husband sucks
Enthusiast
Buy him a ticket to travel out the country so he can leave you alone for a while.
Lol brilliant
Pro
Grown ass people asking for bday gift is absurd.
Couples Therapy? This behavior ( on his part) is messed up.
Agree with this. Couples therapy can resolve some obvious issues you two have. It’s about communication, and putting your SO first.
Big gift giving in marriage is strange to me. We plan every big purchase together. I'd get anxiety if I got a big gift we didn't first talk about spending the money on. I know, so unromantic. But to me it sounds like you need to have a financial discussion, maybe he feels the scales are unbalanced.
Sounds like gifts are his love language. Save up a little bit all year for him so you're not stressed and he feels loved in his love language. 🤍
Enthusiast
Maybe gifts are his love language
Chief
I’d get him a personalized Fleshlight so he could go f* himself.
In all honesty, his demands are ridiculous and I would give him divorce papers. Even if receiving gifts is someone’s love language, it doesn’t mean you get a free pass to act this way toward your spouse.
Chief
Honestly, this type of behavior would’ve been a dealbreaker for me. I would bet gift giving isn’t the only time of the year this kind of behavior is present.
My ex husband was emotionally abusive and manipulative. Whenever I would stand up for myself the situation would escalate.
Maybe try counseling?
- happily divorced
I think individual counseling for yourselves might be helpful. His comments stress you out because you are a people pleaser, and you feel obligated to make him happy. When my husband talks about hopefully one day we can afford a particular luxury vehicle or a third fun car or flying first class for vacations, it’s used to stress me out because I felt like I was obligated to fulfill those wishes. I have to introduce distance mentally, his happiness is not my obligation. He can make wishes all he wants, I would only do what I think it’s best based on my boundaries. In a word, you should prioritize self care or self love before his. If you give in and buy him these lavish gifts, you would essentially encourage his nagging behaviors. People only treat you the way you allow to. Think about those a-holes who don’t give a care about others, we can learn to be a-holes unapologetically too.
Thank you. I actually just started going back to therapy today!
Why did you marry this guy. Brutal.
Enthusiast
Therapy.
OP, I may be over interpreting from your post. Maybe he knows it’s silly, and you’re just venting. Just in case it’s not and if this is behaviour is the norm for him, I would really think about if you will tolerate this from a man who is supposed to stand by you through the rest of your life.
Ask yourself a few hard questions: Does he always act like this, ie throw a tantrum / sulk if he doesn’t get his way? Do you therefore give in more than you are happy doing and do you resent him for this? Have you raised with him that this is unhealthy and how did he react?
Really consider couples therapy. If this keeps going, I can only see hurt in the future.