How does everyone deal with self-doubt while negotiating? Maybe it’s just a me problem, but my stomach ties itself in knots anytime I’m trying to negotiate a salary or raise. I feel like the doubt and fear must show all over my face. It’s weird because I rarely have to battle such large bouts of self-doubt during any other aspects of my life. I can’t for the life of me figure out why I lose all confidence when it comes to discussing my salary.

likesmart
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One of the ways to support your mindset is to reframe the situation. So rather than "This is going to be so tough" think - this is an opportunity to help the other person see all the work I'm doing and I can do this. It's not about "winning" in the negotiation, it's more about having a conversation that helps them see your worth. There's a great book called "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" - highly recommend. I'm also writing a book on negotiation so I'm happy to share the chapter on mindset when it comes out this month ;) You. Can. Do. This! ;)

likeuplifting

Thank you! 😊

Yeah I think the nerves are part of it every time. It does get slightly less scary after you've had a few successes though. I would do some journaling and write all the reasons you're confident that you deserve a raise. Try to internalize the fact that you deserve it and that might help.

likehelpful

I get nervous, too. But I'm an introvert, so everything makes me nervous if I'm being honest lol.

like

Same! I’m always nervous and anxious. Not fun. Heh

like

In you mind, treat it like a game, that way you wont feel or sound desperate, and also you will be less likely to allow yourself to be lowballed. Show them you are prepared to walk away if the numbers aren't mutually benficial. It helps A LOT to be pre-armed with your own research for salaries for similar job titles offered by other companies. It also shows them you are professional enough to have done your homework before the meeting.

likesmart

You have to try and take the emotion out of it and not take anything personally. Try to speak with confidence and ask for what you deserve. The more you do it the easier it becomes.

like

One of the best pieces of advice I give to any new employee is this: keep a running record of your wins, both big and small, along with any impact data you can gather.

Why? Because when it comes to salary negotiations or performance reviews, most of us struggle to recall what we achieved last week, let alone over the course of a year. And if you can't remember, it’s unlikely your manager will.

Keeping this record helps you clearly see the value you’ve brought to your role. When it's time to discuss a raise or promotion, you're not just making a vague case, you're presenting evidence. It turns the conversation from a nerve-racking guessing game into a calm, confident presentation of your impact.

It helps you come across as prepared, self-aware, results-driven and professional. And most importantly, it boosts your confidence, because you’re not just hoping they see your worth — you’re showing it! Good luck.

like

Honestly, I don't think it's your confidence more than your fear of the outcome. In some manner, you've attached this action to a specific result, which leads to fear (defined as negative assumptions about future outcomes).

Negotiations are more about knowledge of what they are offering and understanding how to leverage it to your advantage in a way that puts both parties at risk. Don't be afraid of this process; once you understand the fundamentals, you will only get better with more practice.

Took me a while to understand that post-military, but has been a snowball effect of momentum once I did.

Best of luck!

helpful

Thank you, your comments are very informative.

I’m always nervous too! For me, it’s because I have to talk about myself.

like

Recommend doing a mock interview with someone you know first, maybe have 3 people give you an interview because sometimes they do come in 3's.

Go to a site called Salary.com. Make your inputs to get a good idea of what to negotiate on a good salary

like

I feel the same way. It’s so hard to believe that I deserve it and that they won’t rescind even if I know that’s not very likely

Most of us that work hard deserve it and that's why it makes us feel some kind of way. The problem is convincing the company to pay your worth without sounding like you are perfect even tho you probably are perfect for the job. 😊

I have a hard time, too, but I've been trying a new thing since I am currently working so I'm not "needing," a job but looking to switch jobs so I'm trying to remember that the entire process is not personal. They are trying to get the best employee for the least amount while we are trying to get paid what we are worth without sacrificing our dignity not wanting to upset them. It's their job and if they want me, great, they will understand what I want. If they have a list of people who will do the same job for less, I mean, sometimes they will get lucky paying someone else less and sometimes they get what they pay for.

I always go above and beyond with my jobs because I work with people who aren't feelng good so I give them all my attention and work hard at trying to figure out why they are sick. I, also, do extra things to help my co-worker but I have been taken advantage of, a lot, and it's one reason I am currently looking elsewhere but I cannot stop being me so I am hoping somewhere else will see my worth.

I may be totally lucky but my profession takes a wage survey every year in an attempt to keep an updated running total.of what we should be making. That way when an medical technologist is looking to go to a new city, level of thr job, etc we can use that as we negotiate with HR and all it takes is enough of us laughing at a lowballer saying sorry honey I am not desperate enough for the title to take a 10k a year pay cut for more responsibility you need to do some research on what you should be offering or all you are going to get is someone with no experience or a bad worker who most likely got fired from their last position or was just about to be. You can also look up on linked in similar positions with a noted salary range in any city then put it through a cost of living calculator for your current city to get an adequate salary range for what they should be offering.

Your feelings are normal because of what is at stake for something we don’t do very often in our lifetime. I think about it this way… what is the worse that can happen? They say no which is EXACTLY what the outcome will be if I don’t negotiate. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

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