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I totally hear you, but TBH most of the POC biglaw attorneys I knew also grew up skiing and golfing and globetrotting and doing all of that good rich people stuff. That made it doubly alienating for me.
It’s tough on both fronts, and I feel you.
That’s wild because most of the POC attorneys I know didn’t. It’s crazy how the experience is wildly different. What market are you in? Maybe that’s why?
I hear you, I’m the only POC in our satellite office. Perhaps even worse, I grew up in another country. The work is fine and pay is good, but socializing with them has been hard. I get along better with ppl who had at least been somewhere outside of the US, as they tend to at least take an interest in me. The other day, another white associate was in the same elevator with me. She just swiped her phone the entire time despite my effort to make some workplace small talk. I didn’t have to or even want to talk to her that bad, but as POC, I think even if it’s not our fault, ppl tend to blame us for not “blending in” or “connecting” with other colleagues
I’d like to say it gets better but it doesn’t. The more senior you become in big law, the more comfortable you are in calling out other attorneys’ tone deaf behavior and privilege.
Rising Star
I found out I'm still poor (or have a different mentality) when associates were buying $50k watches. Or partners talking about their ski lodges and summer vacation homes they own. But I feel like a lot of non-poc associates are (or were) also middle-class people.
Spending $50k isn’t something I could even consider without paying for a watch without having all my debts and mortgage paid off. My financial worldview will never see doing this as a flex. I grew up in a family where you bragged about getting the cheapest deal. If you paid more than you needed to, you got ripped off.
The best advice I have for you: do your absolute best to build a social and support network outside of the firm. You’ll eventually learn how to put on the “right” mask to bond with these people, but until then you’ve just got to hang in there and be nurtured elsewhere
Does your firm staff across offices? You’ll meet other POC, including WOC with your specific backgrounds if it does. Being a WOC in big law is interesting. When I started the significant racial/ social economic change made me feel like I stood out the most. I was working as a dog walker for a few weeks after the bar because I was broke. Everyone else went to places like Bali and Greece. A lot of people’s were lawyers. My parents worked as a grocery store cashier and I maid. A few years into making a BigLaw paycheck you start being to afford, enjoy, and expect (some) of the same things and it becomes less noticeable. I even bought a house earlier than some people a few years ahead. Now I notice a lot more differences by gender. The few times partners get roped into associate work like document review, they always “just happen” to be women. I jokingly tell one of my team mates, another WOC I often commiserate with, we should get Barbie logo style t-shirts that say “Discovery Is For Girls” because men rarely do much of it on cases. Try getting involved with a DEI related bar association or LCLD. It’s important to find circle of people you can talk about this with. Everyone else will try to convince you any perceived differences are entirely in your head and point to any other possible explanation as the reason no matter how little they make sense. You are not imagining things. They just don’t want to believe in hardships they don’t personally experience exist.
I wish so too but after several years of trying to break in to big law, they never let me in.
Wish I had someone similar because my summer experience (if you can even call it an experience, as short lived as it was) was terrible. How can we have more partners when we are on the chopping block as summers for minute reasons such as asking two, too many questions? Or in someone else I know, just asking a question period. We are 1Ls btw to gauge why we even had any questions.