I recently got promoted to manager, which is exciting, but now I’m leading the same team I was part of last month—including a couple of close friends. It’s already feeling tricky. For example, during a recent project check-in, one of them pushed back on my suggestions in a way that felt more like we were still peers. I don’t want to damage those friendships, but I also need to establish myself as a leader. Has anyone had to manage former peers before? How did you navigate the transition and set boundaries without making things awkward? What worked for you?
Definitely congratulations on the promotion!
When I run into one of these sticky situations, I follow the guidance that a UK Prime Minister says the former queen used to use with PMs.
Whenever she didn’t agree with them, she would continue to ask questions to lead them to where it didn’t work. She would ask a lot of questions like “and then what happens“ and “where do you see that going next?“
By her only asking questions with real curiosity, the PM wasn’t threatened, and they got to continue to talk about the way their idea would play out. Sometimes she found out they actually did have an idea but usually they found their own sticking point and went back to rework the concept.
Another resource is an interesting “influencer”, Chris Voss, who is a former hostage negotiator, and he’s got so many ways to disarm people with his words. He is @ thefbinegotiator on Instagram.
I highly recommend him!
You do need to reset boundaries and manage this transition, but these might give you some tools that you can use together with your former coworkers (1:1) to understand boundaries and responsibilities.
+1
Congrats on the promotion! I’ve definitely been in that spot before, and it’s tricky. One thing that helped me was being clear from the start about the new dynamic—acknowledge the friendship but also set expectations for the professional relationship. I think you can show this by being a good listener and trying to remain open to others' ideas. Keeping things open and respectful but being firm really helps avoid the awkwardness