Is it fair to ask your spouse about the possibility of non-monogamy after marriage?

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You should bring that up pre-marriage.

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No. You committed to that person. Grow up.

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Yes but that’s a hard genie to get back in the bottle.

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It’s absolutely fair - and much better to ask before the marriage than after. That way they are able to get out now while they still can.

And I appreciate that there are plenty of polyamorous relationships and those with a different perspective on fidelity that I have. But if you’re asking here if you should even ask, that suggests that you’re pretty sure the response isn’t likely to be the one you want and you want to be able to say “but strangers on the internet said it was ok!!!”

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Sounds about right. 😎

I mean you know your spouse better than we do so only you would know whether or not you will live to tell about it. If it were me I would be really hurt by this and would never be able to look at my husband the same if he came to me asking this.

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I mean you might be able to swing or something like that. True non monogamy is a slippery slope toward divorce. It's one thing to "play" at times with others but when you are talking about actually dating, caring for and an emotional attachment to another person as well why'd you get married?

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No, it’s really not what you should do is go get a divorce and be done with it. Then you can go do whatever the hell you want. Don’t string somebody along and screw with their emotions and their heart because you’re changing your mind after the fact Stop chasing the shiny penny or ‘POA’ and if you must get a divorce then do it. You’re either all in or you are not. there is no half a$$ with wanting something like that after you committed to being a one-on-one relationship.

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A lot of assumptions and subsequent unwanted attacks based on the same!

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I would call it fair if you ask before marriage so they can walk away if they want. Committing to someone, getting into a monogamous marriage, then springing this on them isn't fair.

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Guess a lot of people are misinterpreting the post and unnecessarily passing comments on the OP. The OP didn't say "After marriage, is it fair .....". Read the post again now.

There is a huge difference between this and what the OP has said! To clarify, the OP 's question means that they are asking the query now itself about the possibility post marriage.

Interesting how people show their biases/anger based on their own wrong interpretation of a statement.

likesmart

The question leads with, “is it fair to ask your spouse,” which suggests they are already married to the person they want to ask.

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Were you asked or are you doing the asking?

We talked about it prior to marriage as opportunities presented themselves. We decided not to risk our relationship dynamic over fleeting encounters and would only revisit it if a black swan event occurred. Whether this is a fair question depends on the why of it. Is the idea being motivated by a gap / lack of physical chemistry or is it an add on to what’s already present and strong in your marriage? That’s the million dollar question and will likely influence the response you get.

No! You made a commitment, honor it!

You want to start a fire you can’t quench? Don’t do it.

My wife and I decided to try it 15 years into our marriage, so anything is possible.

I wouldn’t nor would my fiancé but we aren’t you. Only you know what’s best. But asking strangers is going to get multiple answers.

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