Is it selfish to take your time to get to know someone before getting engaged? I (M) have had a bad experience in the last, so I don’t want to rush to get engaged. But many of the people I talk to want to have an answer in 2-3 months. I feel that’s too rushed. I understand there are Islamic boundaries but at the same time I think it’s important to take time to know someone.

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Don’t think it’s selfish but I think generally speaking within 3-4 months a person knows whether they can see a future with someone or not.

like

Yes I think you can see that, but I guess in hindsight that’s when things started going awry in my last engagement. Maybe I just didn’t talk through enough things before

Take your time whatever you feel is best for you. At the end of the day no one can tell you what works best for you. There are a few solid Reddit posts on marriage in r/Muslim & r/MuslimMarriage

likefunny

Thanks Danial

In your opinion, how long does it take to know someone?

Fair. You can’t really ‘know’ someone without living with them… and even then, they can choose to be duplicitous. So, it really boils down to your qadr.

Stay wary of the ultra religious and people who have been on a journey. They [mostly] care about their narrative.

Make sure you and your prospect(s) agree on the timeline — so neither of you feel wronged or misled. And if there is misalignment, please don’t lead them on…

“Nothing will ever befall us except what Allah has destined for us. He is our Protector. So in Allah let the believers put their trust.” (9:51). Good luck!

helpful

No it's no selfish. Take as much time as you need to feel comfortable and sure with someone. But keeping things shorter is preferred. Longer periods of getting to know each other sometimes doesn't typically translate into marriage. Also you want to avoid falling into temptations. You might reach a point where you can't learn more about someone without transgressing boundaries. Just have that in mind.

You’re right C1, what are some things you suggest work best then?

I've seen "Questions to ask before marriage" (maybe from NYT but elsewhere too) which really helps to get conversations to important matters.

Related Posts

This bowl has been dead forever. I’m still powering through my corporate America career all fake smiles to eventually retire early and live like my hero, Tommy Chong. Stay up my professional 420 friends, the end is near!

like

Hi Guys,

Can you guys pls share some insights about infocepts regarding work life balance, appraisal system etc,
I have been offered a role as senior data engineer

Waiting for your feedback. thanks

Do you recommend joining infocepts??

like

So, you can either be a writer or an art director, but once you hit CD you're both? All of a sudden you know both things? Help me understand because I have an CD that used to be an art director and a lot of my lines go over their head.

like

Is it possible to sell and transfer my bike to the buyer without physical RC? I have a copy from DigiLocker.

Background story: it was a newly purchased second hand bike, before receiving the RC COVID started and I returned to my hometown. So never received it and I’m sure the RTO is not going to handover me the RC easily.

like

Hi all! I’ve been dating my bf for about 4 months now and there are some things he says/is into that make me believe he is either Bisexual or has gender dysphoria. I could really use someone’s advice who has a similar experience like this. Is anyone willing to chat? I just want to be supportive and helpful.

like

Probable in hand salary for given fixed salary

Dobara mat puchna😁

A step towards Atma-nirbhar Bharat!! 😁

Post Photo
likefunny

Any book recs on how to improve soft skills (ex. Communication, leadership, etc)? Doesn’t beat real life practice of course but would be a good starting point. Thanks!

like

Hi Fishes, Just wanted to know what is the salary band of associate 2 in Tax profile? Location is either Kolkata or Bangalore or Hyderabad.

How are you spending your weekend?

Post Photo
likefunnyuplifting

Floyd modeling his business-professional wear.

Post Photo
likeupliftingfunny

What are the advantages of getting a pup from AKC/CKC certified breeder over other options?

like
likeuplifting

Hello people,

I have seen lot of people on this app saying Synechron is Hire and fire and mostly don't recommend to join. I just wanted to know from people working here, how true are these claims?

like

So everyone who feels under valued/compensated raise your hand 🙋🏻‍♂️

like

To the lawyer on the other side of the deal that side emailed me about my stupid mistake instead of replying all with the clients and my partner on the chain:

You're my hero and I'd die for you.

likeupliftingsmart

Currently preparing for a final round case interview at the director level for a CVS Health graduate summer internship. Any tips or things I should look out for/emphasize? First time making a final round. Thanks in advance.

like

Hi - I have donations given to Team Everest for Nov 2021 with receipt. But IBM AskHR says no support for donations tax exemption on Form 16. Thus, the donation isn't deducted on my Form 16. Can I now update the donation directly on E-filing.gov u/s 80G for exemption or will that cause an issue ? IBM

like

Planning a long weekend in DC with my wife and 2 year old. Thinking Residence Inn DuPont circle for space and location. Any family friendly recs in the area (breakfast/lunch spots, fun activities)?

Additional Posts in Muslim Consultants

Any Saudi folks here? Alf Mabrook!

likeuplifting

Anyone in the DC area know if the Friday prayer in Rosslyn (at Arlington Temple) ever came back after the pandemic?

like

Anyone from Houston? I’m moving there soon and it would be great to join the community in any way!

like

Salam everyone! Did anyone switch / know anyone who switched from risk consulting to a risk role at a big bank (e.g., Bank of America or Wells)? Any advice on the switch or what Bank you recommend? Additionally, would love any input on any Muslim networks at big banks (if any exist). Thanks so much!

like

Fam - Looking for a place/room to rent in NY metropolitan area, please let me know if anyone has a place.

Anyone has used hydration pills to get through fasting? Is it helpful?

like

Anyone talk to a Muslim therapist? Muslim matters because I’d like to talk about marital issues, and not sure others will get the religious context. NYC preferred. TIA!

like

Salaam, unsure if this is the right bowl, but does anyone have any recommendations on books that discuss the history of Pakistan? It’s formation, etc. Thanks

like

Chewy TUMS: These look so good but its not clear to me if its halal. How do you determine from these ingredients? Especially when the first ingredient is alcohol ammonium which i know its not alcohol but any clarification on these ingredients would be appreciated!

like

Accenture, you good mate? Too much turkey?

likefunnyuplifting
like

Jummah Mubarak Fam 💚

like

Why do some muslim men think that career women in their 30s become desperate and will significantly lower their standards? Someone with 3 kids that’s been divorced twice and isn’t even practicing just told my friend he’ll do her the favor of giving her children. The arrogance is mind boggling

likefunny

I was just laid off. I feel lost, feeling both pumped up for the future but pained because I was a high performing, straight laced, and by the book team member. Looking for Muslim leaders who are recruiting. Extensive experience in strategy and implementation of Data and RPA technologies. PMP and RPA developer certified. SQL, R, Python, UiPath, Agile, waterfall.

like

Looking for Ramadan specials to watch and bond with my family. Anybody have good suggestions? Thank you in advance

like

Salam. 23M here - all my life I’ve had my back on our faith - never really prayed but had imaan (I guess). After bouts of depression from girl problems (🙄), issues within immediate family, being disappointed expectations I had for myself, etc. I’ve been working on bettering my situation over the years. Faith is the only area where I think I need more guidance. Having trouble relating to friends or family about this. Anyone else been thru something similar? How have you connected back to Islam?

likeuplifting

I started investing in Vanguard Mutual Funds and and did some research online today and it seems like we can’t do that and it might not be halal. Does anyone have any insights here?

like

Good day everyone, I was turned down by Accenture strategy last minute before offer due to the Macro uncertainties, any of you have referrals for MBB/Big4/@tier2? I am 8+ YOE in strategy & transactions I’m open to all offices THANK YOU!

like

Something to brighten your day 🤗
I was listening to a Mufti Menk lecture yesterday on this topic. Surah Nashra is also about burdens we bear. Within this Surah,Allah SWT speaks about how He is the one that granted the cure, purity, and strength after the backs were about to break. Allah SWT takes us to this point to refine us. We never know our capabilities until we are tested and challenged. This is when we realize we can do it and we can get through it 🫶🏻! IA you got this 🫶🏻!

Post Photo
likeuplifting

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal