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Get 2 books... Emotional Intelligence V2 and How to Make people like you in 90 seconds. I was introverted attic playing Wow fat kid till 20yr old, now dropped the weight, salary is what I consider high 170s, and my closest contacts/friends are directors and executives at 28yrs old.
I'm an introvert. Everyone thinks I'm a bubbly smiling joke cracking confident extrovert though.
I found the trick is to focus trying to make other people happy and comfortable instead of focusing on being so much into my own head and constantly checking my internal emotional barometer and pessimistically projecting things into other people.
Specifically, seeing a bubbly new hire get super chummy with a sr partner seemingly instantaneously, whereas in my 2 years trying to get close with said partner it seems like they barely know who I am. Generally, the networking game takes a toll on me plus I'm just not good at it (though I've practiced and forced myself enough to fake my way through it). So it's frustrating to see people achieve something with apparent ease that I still struggle with despite immense effort.
EY4 you sound like an annoying twat
I would also say that while the books help, you wont like everyone and not everyone will like you. Being ingratiating may help in short term but most people see through that act.
Couple thoughts, OP:
1. There will always be people better and can be at any level and with any skill - it's helpful to see that as targets for you to improve, but your frame of reference is you today better than you yesterday, AND you tomorrow better than you today.
2. Introverts get their energy internally whereas extroverts get their energy externally. Doesn't mean you can't deliver a speech or network, but it will likely be exhausting. Like any exercise, you can get stronger. What helped me in those situations was imagining I was just having a BS session with my friends ive known since kindergarten - no agenda, just BS. Will blow your mind how people open up.
3. Practice
Thanks EY2 I will look into it. I've heard good things about emotional intelligence, time to bump that one up to the top of my list
@OP with all due respect... You answered why you fail I your own statement, you fake your way through. Genuine and forward is how you make a connection, even the dullest of people can pick up a hint of the best faking. You need to check those books out and look within for the qualities you have that are marketable to lasting interactions with people... Don't try to be someone or force something that isn't you.
A1, very good advice! As an introvert myself I've noticed that it's best to be thinking about how you can make the other person open up to you. Ask them lots of questions, understand their needs, etc. rather than your own.
Even if you don't care about the other person's responses, it's still good to put on the act 😅
Note: NOT saying they don't deserve it. Just saying it is frustrating
Yeah I'm one of the staff who is friends and texting buddies with a lot of senior managers and partners in my practice. Key is to be genuine, have a sense of humor, show a human side where you can talk about nonwork things, and most importantly, also be very good at your job. The last part is key.
For me, it becomes much easier to become close with others/network with those higher up when they already have a view of you as a high performer. Your brand will get your far. I notice that Senior Managers in my practice take much more interest in me because the partner speaks positively about me to them.
Anything you're referring to? What happened
Thanks E2!
We all have a sellable, likeable side you just have to hone in on that and be confident and self aware enough in how to properly convey it. You are off to a good start her in your own words just identifying you see a weakness, now flip it, total faith EY wouldnt have hired you if it wasnt there 😉
E4 that last part is not trivial. I don't always know how to be good at this job given I just started
Op, if it helps, it's hard to 1) focus the extraversion and 2) prove that we're not just all talk
Well I think my point is partners have so much people who try to get their time, but they will genuinely invest time into you (e.g.ask you to play golf) if they see potential in you
Like I only become super chummy with the partner in my practice after I was on his project and killed it. Now we have a relationship where we make fun of each other/joke around/text. He also is a huge advocate for me within the firm.
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