I’ve been reading about rejection sensitive dysphoria and I suddenly feel like I’ve found a missing piece of my personal puzzle and I have so many questions

How do you get people to consistently give you feedback even when you have some bad reactions? Do you explain you have this? I’ve always had trouble with people not giving me transparent feedback and then the ones that do say I’m too sensitive about it - but I still really want to hear it or I’ll not keep improving in my performance

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I take meds and my RSD is pretty strong. But my problem is not when people give me feedback, just understanding what they mean in order to improve. Or I’ll get no feedback and continue to overachieve and feel like I’m failing…. Knowing this is a thing has helped though. At least I’m starting to understand. While the past is in the past, I’d pay attention to your internal monologue and make sure you’re not making it harder on yourself. The “you’re lazy” “try harder” “how can you be so smart and this stupid” “just pay attention” “just get it done” “just start, it’s easy”

likehelpful

Here’s the thing: you can’t control other people, and you can’t control your instinctual emotions, but you can control your actions, and you can self-soothe to regulate your emotions after the initial shock.

This means:

1. If people don’t give feedback because of your reactions, that’s unlikely to change- a few might be sympathetic but most will not be, therefore…
2. You must be the one to change.

In the interim, ask for feedback in writing so you can reflect on it and gain control in advance of the conversations. Also keep in mind: some things are autonomous and you just need to pretend like it’s not happening- you can’t control whether or not you cry, but you can control whether you let it interrupt the conversation.

smarthelpful

Yep. And the reactions can be hard, so sometimes it is easier if feedback is delivered over writing

I don’t want to take meds though…

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