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Having an ex colleague passing away at a young age while working will change your perspective. Set a goal and pursue it with hard work, but don’t do it for what other people might think - none of these folks will feel sad when you go one day.
As long as you have a clear and clean narrative for your moves, and it shows upwards progression, you should be good. I moved around a lot in my first 5 years and I never had trouble explaining my moves or getting interviews. I was asked about them, but I had good answers for everything.
For reference: One role I was at for a year, and left due to an abusive screamer supervisor that I reported to HR. Was at the next for 2 years and left on good terms but was unhappy with the firm and comp - but it was a “top” firm in my state. Then my last firm I was at for 7 months before jumping in house because I had recently had kids and they were requiring full RTO and 12-15 hour days every day - I started looking at month 4 or 5 - I was honest about why I was leaving and it worked out great. First in house role I stayed 2 years b it then they started doing layoffs and I jumped ship, and had no issues making a move to a better next step.
Sounds like you are holding yourself back. What’s the harm in applying? Worst case is you are rejected bc your resume screams you couldn’t hack it I which case you stay in your current role. Best case is they don’t care and you get the job in which case the company/firm didn’t care about the length of your stint. Just be ready with good reasons about why you want to leave.
Nobody looks at a resume and says “couldn’t hack it.” You should try to work on why you think that. I’d consider counseling.
Who? When I looked at resumes I tried to determine if they were qualified to do the job that I needed to fill. It never occurred to me to question whether they could or could not hack a former job. Why would I let someone’s last employer affect my job search?
Pro
Resumes are ultra important. Employers don't offer interviews to every single applicant... they pick the best resumes. You won't get the opportunity to explain if your resume cant get you in front of the interviewer.
It’s how you explain the move. You can use your cover letter to help tell that story (with a positive spin). What employers are worried about are people with big (unexplained) gaps and people who chronically jump around. Moving frequently, especially in the first few years as you find out what you want in practice, is neither unusual or unexpected, if you’re totally changing practice areas, be prepared to acknowledge your lack of experience in the new area and that you’re willing to take a salary cut to match your level of experience in that area.
Resumes are your first introduction. You can't tell your story if you can't even get in the room.
I felt the same for a very long time, and spent years trying to prove to people who had already written me off the moment they looked at me, that I was as good as the people they decided they did want to support. Even though I pretty much already knew I didn't want to be a partner. I just really wanted to prove that I was partner material and that I wasn't leaving because I couldn't cut it.
After years of trying to outperform and outnetwork my peers to get the same level of recognition they were getting, the firm finally told me that I would be a strong candidate for partnership. At first I was happy but then thr more I thought about it, the worse I felt, because my achievement was basically getting promoted to a role I didn't even want and that wasn't really going to get me where I wanted to be.
After waffling for awhile (and having all my mentors basically tell me "well now you may as well just wait and the leave after you make partner"), I said "fuck it" and started applying for other jobs. I found a job posting for a role I've wanted to apply for for years, got an offer, and gave notice just before I would have heard for sure whether I'd get partner or not. Everyone told me it was a mistake and I was going to regret it, but a year out, I think it was the best decision I could have made for myself. If I had caved to the pressure of sticking it out for partnership, I'd have inevitably caved to pressure of sticking out the first few years of partnership to prove I deserved the promotion in the first place, then caved to the pressure of proving I could build a good book of business, etc., and before I knew it I'd have spent most of my working life in a job that I didn't even like just for the sake of appearances. Instead I'm in a new career path that I actually like doing things that actually interest me.