Looking for advice and tips: I found out my husband has been cheating throughout our marriage and during both my pregnancies. Our kids are very young, the youngest only a few months old and I have proof he cheated on me while I was postpartum recovering from that delivery. I’ve been making more than him (~$40k/a year more) and a no-mortgage apartment in my name that our prenup covers - he can’t touch it. To help me think through my options, what are some legal tips/ advice? I will do a postnup

Talk to a lawyer - they will know all the options. A therapist might be helpful, too.

But, first decide if you want to continue your relationship. Don’t stay for the kids. It sounds like that’s what you’re doing with a postnup.

Does he know you know?

First of all, I am so sorry you are going through this. I have many friends who are family lawyers and therapists, and they often recommend getting your matters in order before confronting your husband. I know, for me, that would be impossible, but if you are certain that there is no redemption for this relationship, take the few weeks necessary to get sorted with an attorney, legal filings, documenting evidence, investigating finances, and finding a good therapist. Having your affairs in order before formally moving to end this relationship will help you in the long term. Act from a place of reason not emotion. Again, probably totally impossible, but that is the same advice I hear given out time and again.

Sending you love and a clear mind to carve out your next steps. You are loved, appreciated and worth the moon and stars. Sending you endless hugs, hugs to the kids, a glass of wine and a massage. ❤️❤️❤️

I am sorry but deep down, I’m glad for you that you found out sooner than later. Sending Best wishes your way.

Not all matters of the heart should be initially solved with the legal system. If I were you, I would talk to him, tell him what you saw, and (I mean in a manner so calm and brownie points for kindness that it would scare a hitman) ask him why he is doing such things that make you feel like you're not woman enough for him - like ask him whether you upset him / what you can do for him? This is an appeal to whatever is left of his perception of himself as your husband. It's a terrible feeling what you're going through, but there is probably an underlying cause and this is one of those tests of you as a wife.

So I recommend giving out the energy that you are present, you are his wife, it is your territory that the other woman / women are attempting to encroach upon, and that no other woman can step to you. When you ask him these questions, be prepared to secretly record what he says. I say this because what your brain retains in a state of anger or frustration or sadness may be different from when you don't feel that way. I would really listen to what he says and if he says something that feels foreign or untrue, don't react right then and there, but just ask him to give some examples if you can stand to and then say something along the lines of "ok, I need a day to think". And then actually do that - give yourself 24 hours to think about what he said, let your frustration out somewhere that is not the house, and then think about all of the things he said, play the recording, really try to listen, and think about what the realm of possibilities is for what you can do differently. Then think about whether you can live with whatever those things are.

The next day, ask him when would be best for him for both of you to talk. He may break down there and apologize and promise never to do what he did again. Or he may not. He may give you a time. Whatever that time is, honor it, even if you need to call off work. That is, if your marriage is important to you. If he doesn't give you a time, general time frame, or whatever, then give him a time and make eye contact when you say it.

When you talk let him know that you thought about what he said, be honest if it was hard for you to initially understand and let him know what you are thinking he meant by what you said. Don't try to make eye contact if you don't feel the strength to. You may be tempted to get emotional while saying this, try your best not to, but if a tear escapes, fine. Let him know what you think you can do for him and that it is ok for him to ask for these kinds of things because you care about his happiness as much as your own and you will at least think about it, but hope he can understand when you really don't feel comfortable doing something.

Then ask him what he is thinking. Will he do what he did the next time he's upset or will he fight for the love between you that you've worked hard for by being honest with you about his needs.

Then let him talk. He may need time - give it to him. At that point, just make sure you act like his wife. And let him be honest with you about whether he is serious about your marriage or not. If you can't live with all of this, then I would seek further advice for any difficult decisions you may need to make after that. If your parents are still alive, talk to them.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through and you deserve happiness. My sister and I grew up with our father cheating on our mother, and it left a lasting impact on all of us. He would promise it was the last time, but he never kept his word, and my mom always believed him. This caused her decades of heartache and even led to severe health issues when she tried to confront one of his girlfriends.

Seeing this as her daughter, it deeply affected my understanding of what a healthy relationship should be. My mom often says she wishes she had left him earlier, even though she feels it's too late now.

OP, does he know you know? If not, I’d start making moves now along with money. Because you can get things in line like childcare help, and other things that you’ll enact once the split happens. If he’s this much of a lowlife, and I’m sorry for you and for this happening,you may not get any child support out of him. I would plan on that scenario also.

Checking in…I hope you are doing better than worst since you mentioned you are going to confront him.

Checking in. How did the conversation go?

Dang that sucks. Feeling for you. Agree with others, try to play coy until you're settled on your next steps.

Sorry you are going through this ❤️ better times are coming. Wishing the best for you and the kids.

I’m so sorry for you! Sending you best wishes to get rid of this idiot and be better without him!

Leave. It won’t feel like this forever. Unless you stay.

So first he cheats on you, then he changes his mobile phone password 🙄. Don’t ignore those red flags. A marriage can’t survive without trust and respect.