Manager made it clear he isn’t happy with how I’ve been doing some of my work lately. His messages to me instantly brought up a whole mental can of worms. I felt myself physically having a panicked reaction, and I realize it’s bringing up issues I had with a past boss. How do I get past this? I have journaled, changed jobs, etc., but these same types of (micro)managers are everywhere, and I can’t keep quitting and moving agencies.

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If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of feedback is being shared? Is it helpful points you agree on after taking a beat, or is it very critical and harder for you to separate your feelings from? Or is it the way the feedback is being shared all together?

It would definitely be valuable for you to unpack why the feedback affects you, work with a therapist on identifying triggers and strategies for responses or how to handle convos. There are many therapists who deal with creatives as well (mine does) and would suggest going on psychology today to check it out.

It’s personally helpful for me to de-personalize the feedback as it’s all in the spirit of making the work better vs attacking - but it certainly is difficult if the person is making it more personal about you and your methods which should be addressed internally if so.

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Thank you for your insights and suggestions. I got therapy in the past for the other manager. It’s not, nor is time, in the budget now, and I truly have worked on this for many, many hours. I’m extremely good at thinking and talking through my emotions to figure them out. Also, I am prob in the wrong industry, but here I am anyway. Unfortunately, where I got to is needing to have a non-micromanager type of CD. I know it’s possible because I have had it and thrived when I did. And, yes, I have read on how to gain their trust; some are just built like that though.

I do fear saying too much about the feedback and giving away my identity. It was not personal, per se, but it does feel that way. He was not happy with the quality of my work and my process. My process was such that I worked to streamline things and try to make his job easier. His comments made me feel powerless and like he sees me at a junior level when I’m looking to make ACD within a year. The words chosen were also extremely curt and had the tone of “angry boss/overseer.”

Ok, he slacked me again this morning and was still more curt in tone than he has been in the past. Am I paranoid now, or is he really not liking my work? I know nobody here knows, but thanks for hearing me out.

Can you differentiate if he is critical from the business standpoint, or he is aiming more so at the personal level?
If personal, having a chat with HR may be necessary.

Have you ask him clarifying questions to help you understand where he is coming from? This may alert him that you are trying to be professional and objective. And if he is inappropriately engaging with you, you have every right to not be treated that way.

During your therapy sessions, has anyone address how to separate your self emotionally, so you can objectively deal with these situations? Perhaps a coach is better than a therapist at times, focused more on the here and the now, and prep for the future.

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