My 3 year old is showing strong signs of being on the spectrum (high functioning). Social events are becoming increasingly difficult. Any advice on how to parent on the spectrum and how / if to explain anything to others? What are some good resources (books, podcasts, Instagram accounts etc)? Should I anticipate losing some friends who just can't understand why I don't make my kid "behave normally"? Please help.

Early intervention helps! Since the kiddo is already 3, get a referral and get him into speech/ OT and ABA if you believe in it.
Yes, some friends may fail to understand but then you will know how true they were.
As a fellow parent, we lost many friends along the way but just made us more confident that the ones who stuck around , accepting our family dynamics were the ones worth it at all.
Good luck!

“Early On" services is the way to go for a3 year old. EO refers to national early intervention services (Part C of IDEA). The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), a major U.S. federal law. for infants and toddlers (birth to age 3) with developmental delays or diagnosed conditions, offering ASD evaluations, therapies (speech, OT, PT), family training, and health services, funded by federal grants to states with specific eligibility criteria, aiming to support development

Early on services is free and helps parents navigate this. Go to your pediatrician and get a referral for Early-on services or, go through your local school district. We provide special education services from early on through age 24 skills center (if needed). Do not rush into ABA therapy. Not all ASD kids are in or need ABA. Severe behaviors or communication? ABA might be needed. You’ll get recommendations after the evaluation.

Here’s the thing- if she’s speaking in full sentences and understands directions, if there is no pragmatic (speech) delays she may not be ASD.

I’m a school social worker and have done hundreds of special education evaluations throughout my career for ASD. Dm me anytime. I’d be happy to help you w this.

Early intervention really is key.

Our 8-year-old daughter is high functioning autistic. Off the charts for IQ and school performance but a lot of social and behavioral issues. In retrospect, we should have had her formally diagnosed and started therapy and IEP sooner. We had her in therapy but did not get autism tests until early last year and IEP until late last year. Her school behavior and home behavior are a lot better now, though still a lot of social challenges that she is going to have to work through all her life I am sure. When a little older try “A Different Sort of Normal”, which helped our daughter process her situation. I’ve also found Morgan Foley on Instagram interesting.

Get your child tested - that’s the best thing to do to make sure you have the support you need. Most children’s hospitals offer this testing (typically through a developmental pediatrician), but there are typically some standalone autism centers that will offer this too. The diagnosis is critical for any type of therapy or services you might want to engage in - ABA can help with a lot of the social and behavioral challenges. From a services perspective, a diagnosis and referral is necessary for ABA to run through insurance. Often you don’t need a diagnosis to do speech or OT, but it would need to be pretty obvious what the gaps are (doesn’t sound like this is the case for you).

I agree with Michigan Middle School that early on services are helpful, but in my state, they do not diagnose and will only come to provide services if a child is showing 25% or more delay in a critical area (like speech, fine motor skills, etc.). So again, if your child is meeting milestones, this might be less helpful for you.

One of the biggest clues for our son was his “tantrums”. I didn’t know it until he was diagnosed, but he was actually having meltdowns, not tantrums. These would last hours. He could not control his body and would cry because of the discomfort, sometimes even retch. Another clue was echolalia and scripting. He would parrot everything we said but often it had nothing to do with the context of the situation. The state did early intervention tests because he failed many of his early childhood milestones (those forms you fill out at the well child appointments). This led us to getting him evaluated and diagnosed at age 4. As far as resources, OT and speech therapy was really helpful for us. Once he was diagnosed I joined a regional Facebook group for parents of autistic kids and this was a great resource. I hope you can get some testing and support ❤️

Your county/public school system may have free early intervention assessments and therapy. Check for those

All of this is good advice we did the testing and his school was very accommodating. Check out the book Born Lucky

What strong signs are you seeing if not developmental ones at this age? Behavior/obstinance?

I had my daughter evaluated when she was 4. School was very difficult for her initially. I ended up bringing a lawyer to a meeting at the end of 3rd grade and insisting that she have a tutor for the next 2 years. She went through the remainder of school with an IEP. In middle school, I talked to her teachers to explain that misbehavior meant that she was bored, and asked them to challenge her. High school went well, but college did not (colleges expect 18 year olds to ask for help - which isn't a realistic expectation since this isn't something that someone with a disability can do).
It helps to join a group of other parents who are dealing with the same issues. Your friends who have "normal" kids probably won't understand the melt downs.