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Rising Star
Not enough context but it is well known that a certain amount of adversity strengthens kids’ abilities to persevere later on in life. Kids who have it easy and don’t feel challenged enough don’t do as well long term. Maybe she’s genuinely worried - but it’s fine to tell her it’s not her place to be concerned.
Yes it’s about letting them struggle a little bit in their everyday tasks instead of swooping in. As another poster said they will inevitably experience challenges in life so this helps equip them to struggle through it instead of giving up. I really don’t think kids “need” adverse childhood events (scary/traumatic things, abuse/neglect, divorce, etc.).
Is she African? I am. And I feel the same way when I look at my kids. It’s mostly comparing our childhood and experiences in life with theirs. Sometimes, I feel we are worried for nothing because times have changed other times, it really scares me because I feel like these new generation are not tough enough.
All, I’m saying is if she’s a good person and loves your kids, she may be coming from a place of concern. Why don’t you talk to her to get more context.
No. I’m an immigrant but my husband is not. Somehow we both came from slightly below middle class families with near identical experiences. I wonder whether our parents generation also said the same thing about our generation “not tough enough.” I’ll talk to her next time though.
As a parent and as so(M)eone who has been told I grew up without “adversity”… don’t raise overly protective, spoilt and sheltered kids — they will struggle once the training wheels are off! I don’t believe you [should] artificially expose your kids to “adversity” — you should however, give them a sound physical, psychological and emotional upbringing equipped with tools to help them deal with adversity, which they will [eventually] face in life.
What were the socio-economic conditions of your husband’s upbringing? I don’t want to assume ill-intent from your SIL, but jealousy could be a factor?
I’m from a high-context culture and I suspect you’re too? Hence your SIL feels emboldened to express her opinions.
You’re not being overly sensitive. Your SIL needs to stay in her lane. 😊
Both of us came from slightly below middle class families. If you have tangible tips that you’re currently employing, send my way!
Yes I think you are being defensive and dismissing that she might have a point because that would also mean accepting that you are not doing everything right. The kind of person who has the courage to say those kind of things are the ones that love your kids, as you said yourself, and actually care about their future. Your kids have moved up to a luxury level home and are receiving high-end gifts and opportunities that wealth provides, that's great, but it can also change their perspective on life and foster entitlement. I agree you should have a conversation with her and start it by saying how much you value the relationship that she has with the kids and that her comments concerned you and want to know what her suggestion might be. If it turns out that she suggests age appropriate chores to earn things, etc then its totally valid. Most people dont care about your kids and truly invest in a long term relationship with them as she has done. sometimes you cant see what's right in front of you.
Fair point! Of note, I wouldn’t call the home a luxury home. Just expensive because of the area we’ve chosen to live in. We try to expose the kids to other parts of the world e.g., travel to low and middle income countries and immerse in these cultures, they go to public schools and we have once a week cleaning days etc. I’m very open to hearing how others are ensuring their children are not entitled and helping them be more resilient. I’ll have a conversation with my SIL but she chose the childfree lifestyle, so there’s that….