Opening up our marriage after almost 15 years of being together. Both of us are coming up on 40 soon. Any tips from folks with experience in this space to continue to have a strong relationship? We are going to get on prep/doxy. We love each other, but don’t want to miss out on 40s - midlife crisis I guess. Appreciate any book or podcast recs. Thanks

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Only do it if it’s truly out of mutual desire. Otherwise one of you will inevitably end up resentful and it’ll cause issues down the line.

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Thanks, I think it’s mutual for now. We said let’s try this for 1 year and see how it goes

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First hubby of 7 yrs and I opened it up…it didn’t work out, but it wasn’t working before then, so that was just an effort to try something to save it. 2nd hubby and I have been open the whole time. Been together 15 years. What worked for us is communication and honesty and knowing ourselves. I didn’t have that the first time. Good luck. It’s doable, just keep the channels open and try not to have too many rules around it. Rules get broke. Trust shouldn’t. There’s a difference. Keep it fun. Happy wienering!

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Thank you for sharing A1. Love that you said this is all about trust, honesty and keeping the communication channels open and that’s our goal. Happy that it’s working out well for you both

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Agree upon a set of rules and definitions. Example questions to align on: What does open mean? Is it just sex or does it include romance? Should the sex be one-offs, or are standing relationships ok? Is anyone off limits (exes, friends....)? Any sex acts off limits? Will you share information with each other, or not? Will you have rules about playing separately vs together? Any gender / gender identity limitations? Where can you play? What's the plan for if/when someone gets an STI? What will you do if one or both of you get jealous or want to end the experiment early?

helpfullike

Thanks M1, i appreciate these things to think of. We decided to see a therapist/relationship coach as well to avoid any potential communication breakdown.

I could never do it but to each his own!

likefunny

The rules get messy and create more reasons to deceive your partner. Just do it and communicate. No need to have 700 rules to need to remember and live by other than “no repeat offenders”- that can also get messy if you’re not polyamorous. Both of you take prep and doxy pep and communication is key. You don’t have to share experiences but just don’t start breaking plans with the partner to go hook up. I also recommend couples therapy because opening up may just be a stop on the train to breakups-ville if you are not dealing with the root of the issue in your relationship. If it is just about sex then you’re golden.

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