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Anybody read Ants Among Elephants? Thoughts?
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I’m genuinely curious—but why can’t Indians live without outsourced help? I only ever see Indians having this “problem”.
No denying that parenting is hard (very hard tbh!), but I feel like Indians are too reliant on outside help…
D1: I am not a parent, which is why I was genuinely curious. I agree that parenting is hard and expensive. I already said that in my previous comments. But I also do think Indians (especially Indians who come here as adults) are really reliant on outside help compared to other groups. It’s just what I’ve noticed. So I was just wondering why!
And sorry, it’s ignorant to say that most Americans have nannies. I was born/raised here and I didn’t know anyone who had nannies growing up, and my parents were upper middle class. Nannies/au peres are definitely not the norm.
My personal belief is that many Indians from India have drivers and maids and chefs, and they are very reliant on them. And that’s fine, it’s part of the culture. But it’s obviously going to be expensive here because this is considered a luxury here.
D1: it all depends what matters for you. Some folks on visa would do anything to stay in States. Nothing wrong about it. On the other side, a friend gave up green card, sold their house to return just before Covid and is super happy they did. They were clear from the beginning that they wanted to return to parents and family, having GC did not cloud their thoughts.
Go to Reddit and search for the returntoIndia subReddit. Lots of questions like this everyday
What was the longest duration you have stayed in Banglore with kids last time? You get hired help except managing hired help is another task in itself in India. I am not sure where are based, but we have a sitter cum chauffeur and house manager here in US and find them way more efficient and reliable than anything in India. It's expensive for sure in US, but we throw money to get back time. We lived in India for 3 months in 2023 and had to send our then 3 yo to a French daycare along with getting all the paid help. We thought it would be an amazing time for us however we quickly realized that paid help is neither efficient nor dependable and need to be managed... of so much of directing and redirecting and just overall lack of professionalism. Our son goes to daycare here in US since he was 10 months old and daycare in India was way more expensive and was offered for considerable less time compared to daycare in US, and nanny in India doesn't mean the same capability as in US unless you break the bank and get the one from agency who is trained for expats... in our experience bottom line was if we wanted quality of life in India with paid efficient help, we would have to throw the money sometimes more than US. Everyone's experience is different but before making the decision to move toddlers (I have no sympathy for adults moving but kids.. that's where my empathy lies) live in India for extended time! I was born in India, grew up in SG for 13 years and then moved to UK for another 10 years, before working across globe for over 20 years now and often want to go back to SG (every 3 days I have this issue) and raise my family but then I live for 6 months and man! I realize that quality costs money every part of the world...
OP: parenting is hard and specially when we don't want to poor parent (aka raise iPad kids) and I get it. If you are able to find ways to afford, throw money for hired support in America first (even weekly meal service or laundry service goes a long long way). Good luck!
Would you guys quit your jobs as well?
Or maybe quit for a year. Idk.
I believe the decision to move depends on your primary reason. Is it solely due to the availability of affordable help, or are there other factors at play? While India is a great country, it also has its own set of challenges that you would need to address. However, if you are looking for help with nannies, cooks, or other domestic services, you can find all of that here as well.
Well you could think of it an ‘experience’. Worst case, you come back? Although, in reality you wouldn’t like it there once the novelty of help runs its course. The micro aggressions, mansplaining, lack of safety, cleanliness, public infrastructure that works, etc. would make you hurt for the US. Have you worked with India based men before more than a few calls or meetings? Like not transports, but people who work there.