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shape her behavior to appreciate your efforts or be ready to tolerate this forever
And that’s fine, but that’s a conversation, not training.
I would break up with her. Part of emotional maturity is appreciating the effort and gesture someone makes for you, and if she can’t do that’s that’s a huge red flag, like that attitude probably is going to extend to your gestures and efforts in other areas.
I third this. Break up with her. That’s a horribly unattractive character trait to have such a lack of gratitude. And it’s either that or you’re giving her jewelry you originally bought for other girls or something similarly tacky.
Pro
I would stop giving gifts… it doesn’t sound like it’s her love language.
Try listening to what she actually wants as a gift. Some people like to give what they think someone should have or want instead of listening to what people want to receive.
Pro
It’s not a challenge to solve and get right
Pro
Just stop caring about gifts. And giving gifts
Why are you in this group, are you thinking you are gonna be single soon? 😆
Just be clear: tell her that you like giving gifts and when you give them, you don’t feel appreciated, that you’d like her to show it. Then follow up with asking her what she wants (if you truly don’t know).
Now if she’s showing attitude about it - aren’t open to changing and/or hearing you then that’s a concern. And on your part, you should also be open to hear what she wants.
Source: I’m the girlfriend that gets these types of gifts once in a while 🤗
🤦♂️
Just ask her what she wants. And get that. Sounds like she's very picky. Sucks but that's what you got. Tell her to be straightforward with what she would like, and to be more appreciative
What sort of gifts and what is she returning them for? Like are you getting her a sweater and she’s returning it for a blouse or a different color? Or are you buying her a watch, necklace, etc and she’s trying to return for cash/store credit?
Has she mentioned what type of stuff she needs at the moment, or what type of gift she’s liked in the past?
Maybe you just don’t know what she likes; or maybe she is not a receiving gift person.
Thank you all for the responses. This is what I got her.
- She’s a runner. I often see her massaging her thighs and calf muscles after runs. So I bought her a Theragun
- She had an old / broken carry-on. The wheels didn’t work. I would see her struggle to move it in airports. We have a few summer trips coming up. So I bought her a nice Samsonite carry on. Her comment, “Thanks. But I don’t really like the color. Please return it, sorry.”
- I bought her a couple of casual dresses as a surprise in the beginning of the summer. Her comment, “I don’t love these. Please return these. I prefer to shop online.”
When she buys me stuff, even if I don’t “love” the item, my mind is usually grateful that she thought about me and wanted to get me something. That fills me with joy. So I tell her that I love it. Whether I love it or not, it holds huge sentimental value for me and I will cherish it. I’m not seeing that in return and it hurts me.
I had this issue w my ex. For some reason, he would always buy the wrong thing. Something I knew I wouldn’t be able to use. I felt bad cause he would spend money and was not a spender type of guy hence I d ask him to return. I understand how it can feel - but know it also weighs on the other persons mind when you buy something they can’t use. Either ask her what she would like or offer gift cards … are there brands she wears all the time ? Her fav restaurants ? Fav perfume ?
Pro
Gift card
Why don’t you get her something she wants or likes?
Rising Star
It sounds like she doesn’t appreciate you if she can’t even be subtle about it and has to rebuke you for those gifts.
How does she respond to other thoughtful gestures? Does she ever reciprocate them?
We don’t know what the gifts are. One of my friend’s husbands buys her household things like a bidet attachment and wonders why she doesn’t get excited. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t appreciate him just because someone doesn’t like a bad gift.
Who Should Pay for the Baecation?
Tsk tsk 🙅♀️
Maybe buy her what she wants