So, this is a little awkward, but I recently moved to SD for a fresh start, and honestly, I love this city. My problem is I have been more of a homebody since I moved here and I'm a little intimidated to go out and meet people because I don't feel like I fit in here. I am overweight and this city is full of active, and attractive people. I guess I am wondering what my experience would be if I got out more? I feel like people look at me when I'm in public because I stand out due to my size.

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The gym is a great place to meet friends.

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It’s not your weight but your insecurities impairing your ability to meet new people. With that said, being overweight is unhealthy and it’s always good to keep that under control. I’m trying to shed some pounds myself, and all the body positivity culture is too dangerous imo. An acquaintance of mine just died at the age of 32 because he was overweight. He surrounded himself by idiots who convinced him that his doctor was just fat shaming him. In reality, he was addicted to food and his “friends” enabled him to basically kill himself. Tragic.

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Great time to start getting more active! Start walking on the beaches!

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I would suggest thinking about what you are interested in and enjoy doing, and look for common-interest groups where you can connect with other people beyond the external/superficial to start with. In those circles, hopefully you can be less steeped in what you think your identity is based on external appearances, and more on what substantively makes you “you.”

Beyond that, and I say this as someone who struggled with intense self-criticism and anxiety probably somewhat due to my natural personality and childhood experiences for a long time, seeking resources around developing self awareness, self-acceptance and confidence, and even traditional therapy (mindfulness and CBT helped the most) has put me in a much better place mentally than I was 5 years ago, and I find myself way less concerned with my appearance or what others “think” about me so to speak. My personal relationships are much more rewarding as a result! Just sharing my experience, but it’s totally your journey and up to you if that’s something that you would find useful.

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I see plenty of “overweight” (using your words not mine) in SD doing outdoors, beach, etc activities. No one is going to care if you’re out there

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As a San Diego native, SD is a neat place but there is a lot of transience. Small community oriented organization are a great way meet people who are planning on being around longer term. In regards your person, I try to think of health as a primary goal in how I want to interact with my body. Walking is extremely good for you. San Diego’s, access to fresh produce also makes it much easier to eat well here than in some other places. If you’re concerned about your health from a nutritional perspective, a great place to start is, “It Starts with Food” by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig. they get into the science of how our bodies use what we eat.

But most importantly just get out and show up as yourself, consistently. Quantity time precedes quality time, that is frequently requisite for good friendships. You can do this! CBT is a great recommendation as well, if no one in your life can help you be accountable to your goals, a therapist can! The journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step. Just do the first thing; then do the next.

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NOT telling you to workout, that is your prerogative. But if you are looking for a body-inclusive and nonjudgmental space to do so, I’ve found Club Pilates to be really refreshing - all body sizes and all respect.

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I feel the same way about Yoga Six. They are so amazing!

Being from the east coast, I am still amazed by how friendly and outgoing people are here. If you put yourself out there doing something you enjoy, I am certain you will have great experiences and meet people.

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I feel the same way and adopting a dog helped me out a lot!! I’ve met lots of people at dog parks that are friendly, and having a dog is also a great conversation starter! That said, I was dying to have a dog for a long time and it has brought me great happiness but if you’re not a dog person or feel ready I would say maybe try volunteering somewhere. That’s another way I got myself out!

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I have a service doggie, a little 11 pound fur ball, and he goes with me just about everywhere. He gets a bar stool at the local dog friendly brewery. Thing is, people know my dog a bit better than me, he is the hi norm of the brewery at times, but I do meet a lot of nice folks and doggies.

No need to be intimidated! Most people I know here are all about body-positivity, as we should all be.

Body positivity - embrace YOU and if someone can’t accept that, they aren’t worth your time. I need to meet people too so DM if you need an adventure buddy

Hi! Also overnight and live in San Diego and I will say I do feel insecure when I’m out at certain spots (downtown, pb to name a few) but overall I see people of all sizes here.

As far as activities go, you can join a professional network as there are plenty of meetups. Back home I used to take group fitness classes so I found a lot of friends at the gym through the same group fitness classes I was taking at home. But I’m sure whatever your hobbies are there is a group/meet up of like minded folks for you to connect with. Best of luck!

I am from San Diego and I am obese. I am trying to lose some weight but my condition makes it twice harder than it already is. Don't mind what other people will say. Don't waste your time doing nothing just because you are too scared of what other people might say. Go out and be proud.

I see all of the love that you’re getting here, stop being hard on yourself! I agree start slow and walk the beaches. I drive by the beach everyday en route to my office and the people are diverse and just doing their thing. Enjoy yourself. Breathe. You’ve got this!

Find things that bring you joy and do it. I’ve been overweight my entire adult life. I still go to the beach, walk my dog, and get out. I’ve met a beautiful group of friends here in San Diego- mostly through work-so it can be done. Do you, find things that make you happy, and friendships will come.

It's probably your insecurities getting to you. I highly doubt people would care cause cause we're really not all that special. We all tend to just look at people in general. That being said, you can choose to workout and start getting active or try bumble BFF. I met a few friends on there!

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