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Anyone with insight on Tyson Mendes?
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It’s important you address this, not your boss. You need to ensure that your team knows this is a safe environment for all people.
You’ll need to address this head on with the person and HR.
You’ll need to get your team together and apologize on behalf of the person for the insensitive comments that were made and reassume them that that kind of behavior is unacceptable.
If you need help having tough/uncomfortable conversations, I suggest you speak to HR about it or look into quick tutorials on YouTube.
Lastly, you gotta find the courage somewhere. Don’t hide or shy away from conflict. You have to be strong and correct people. You are their leader and need to act accordingly. Not just for yourself, but for everyone on your team.
Thanks PM1, this makes sense and I appreciate the support
I feel ashamed that my behavior is weak for someone at my position, but also really vulnerable
All of this ^^
Give yourself grace. It’s not easy standing up to behavior like that, especially knowing/feeling doing so could make you a target. You are definitely not weak.
I stinks that you were put in a position to feel you have to educate/or speak to this problematic behavior. I would make sure you loop in an HR person. Yes HR is there to protect the company, but this sounds like a serious culture issue that should be addressed.
Tbh if someone said something about my race/nationality on a call, i likely would not say a word
If someone said something about another, i’d likely speak up
Its not easy standing for yourself
So true
I have, and would have spoken up with no hesitation. I would have no problem and I do think it's easier as I am of non-Indian descent. This person is obviously immature and non-professional. I would highly encourage you get proof this person was reprimanded. Please don't be too hard on yourself as you were shocked and taken aback by this awful behavior. Someone else should have spoken up!
Was the call recorded? If it is you may want to quickly forward yourself a copy(just in case). FYI at the end of the day you have to look out for numero uno.
The fact that the managers present on the call, didn’t send you a quick ping while you were still on the call, or even when you went off camera is very sus. Perhaps they felt the same way, a lot of us are working with wolf in sheep clothing. Change begins at the top. You shouldn’t have had to share your displeasure for it to Be recognized or addressed.good luck. It’s okay that you went off camera. You are better than me, because they way my petty responses are set up, the coworker would have been to one to get off camera NOT ME.
This is fine. I had a similar situation and my first reaction was to lie to myself it didn’t happen because I too couldn’t face the fact that it actually happened. It took a couple more times, in front of other people and these other people spoke up for me to accept the truth someone crossed the line. I’m not at a managerial position but I’ve seen many managers would rather deny than accept the fact something bad happened. I think it’s in human nature to protect ourselves and our feelings first at that time.
I’d document these incidents with times and exactly what was said and done. If it repeats I’d go to HR or one step higher. You can also try to confront the other person 1-on-1. But be prepared to be stern and stand your ground, don’t let them back paddling during this 1-on-1.
Thanks for the encouragement all. I need to give myself grace, that’s the first step. Thanks for helping me realize that. We don’t have an HR, so my boss and I will need to outline a path forward, but it’s my team and I’m responsible for what happens in the environment I’m in, so I will make sure this is not ignored
Hi there,
1. I’m sorry you had this experience and it brought up the feelings it did for you.
2. When you get a moment, try and figure out out WHY you responded the way you did. There’s a reason, what is it? For example, if it’s because you fear confrontation, why? What’s the worst thing that could have happened if you said something? Try and get to the root of what triggered your flight response.
3. Yes give yourself grace AND it is perfectly fine to go back to your team, if you are comfortable, and say “Hey guys, this happened, this was my reaction but this is how I would like to move forward.”
As the leader of your team, especially a POC, if you want to have team that is inclusive and culturally sensitive, YOU have to take the steps needed to create that.
People may not always know that the things they say are racist/culturally insensitive - it’s on us to create the space to teach, and correct them, when they do.
If I were your coach, I’d have us work on what the trigger to your reaction was, workshop a 1:1 convo with the individual, and one with the team about the incident.
I’d love to help if this is the kind of support you need. I’ve been there, hence I do what I do now. 🙂
It’s totally normal to feel ashamed and guilty in this situation, especially because you seem to both hold yourself to a higher standard and clearly was shocked by the comment.
Now… you still did the right thing reporting it and need to be kinder with yourself now. Take a moment to give yourself some grace and then consider the following :
Be honest and be transparent with your team on the next opportunity you have to speak to them. Share that while you were shocked and did not react immidiately on the call, you do not condone the behavior and want them to know that you took necessary action and have no tolerance for this behavior, and have their back: Offer an open door to discuss.
And then… move on :)
Great leaders grow into being great and many experienced what you did on this post. You live and you learn. Next time will be easier (though I do hope there’s no need for a next time)