Toxic boss post-Right practice-good money-Small firm.

there’s no positive feedback, the jabs are personal, and somehow every month around payday, I’m suddenly torn down and gaslit to feel like I’m nothing and that I’m doing everything wrong. Passive aggressive anger/annoyance. Certain days, it will just be gone but always creeps back.

It takes all of my being to not to explode and take low blows myself. How do you handle the trauma these older lawyers have from how they were treated?

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I’m experiencing somewhat the same thing.

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Came from a firm just like that. I pushed back but on boundaries and respect. You have to choose your battles, but on the big things, stand up for yourself in a respectful and professional tone. Something like “I understand you’re frustrated by X, Y, Z, but I don’t appreciate the way you’re speaking to me and I will have to end this conversation if it continues.” And then the hard part is actually ending it when they test you.

For passive aggressiveness, you can call that out on its face. Like “I’m sensing some passive aggressive feelings here. Please just tell me straight up what you’re upset about so we can find a resolution.”

Toxic bosses are exactly like high school bullies. They will press every boundary to see what they can get away with.

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It’s so hard not to go to that place when you have the ammo. One thing I try to remember is that hurt people will hurt people, and that using insecurities as weapons immediately shuts down any current or potential lines of communication between you two. It sounds like this attorney likes you enough to confide in you but was never taught how to communicate their issues.

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Are you my coworker?? I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but I hope you know you deserve better. Unfortunately bosses aren't all leaders and don't all deserve our loyalty, if you are able to start looking for a better work environment, I highly suggest it, because a job is not worth your mental health suffering.

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Honestly, I would transfer bosses or leave. This behavior is likely more about them than anything you are doing, and in my experience, it doesn’t get better. I now work for a human being and omg I am so much happier.

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That’s really rough, I’m sorry. Hope you can hang in there until a better job comes along

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