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Can she return part-time or be remote? It gets a bit better as baby sleeps for longer. It can be hard to get reintegrated into the workforce so if she’s set on making it work and you have childcare lined up, might as well give it a try.
For me, getting back to work (remote) was easier than being a SAHM because I’d get so overwhelmed and overstimulated from being with the baby all day long. I’d say just follow her lead and support her whichever way she chooses.
My kid started sleeping through the night at 6 months, and I slowly regained my sanity. He started daycare at 7 months, and it's been a positive experience for him. It's also the perfect excuse to leave work at a set time every day.
I'm tempted to be a stay-at-home dad, but the opportunity cost is so high, and he needs to socialize with other children.
Kids don't benefit from socialization until they are at least 2, maybe 3
Pro
It gets better. Get your kid in daycare. They’ll have 100% attention all day, learn basics, make friends. You and yours will go meet up for lunch once a week and have a drink and talk about how great it is. It gets better.
My wife stopped working after our 2nd was 1 year old and had slight health problems. It’s been great clearly dividing major focus areas and responsibilities instead of each of us feeling like we are letting each aspect of our life down.
OP -
We have 2 kids a 3.5 year old and a 3 month old baby
With our first my wife went back after seven months
With our second she is going to take a year and then find a new role (we’re also moving cities)
I took about 2-5 to 3 months both times
I would say do everything you can to free up your time and energy now
- outsourced house cleaning
- grocery delivery
- babysitters on some days
- take help of friends and family where possible
- meal delivery
- switch to remote/low commute setup if you can for a while
- consume subsidized backup care from your workplace if you have it
- find a daycare when you are ready
- eventually sleep train the baby
- periodically evaluate if how you are approaching things is sustainable
Appreciate the responses all!