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I've been at this grind over 30 years and will be retiring in a few more. Although I love the law, I still wish I'd chosen a profession that was kinder. My spouse always blames my southern upbringing in that I always expect courtesy and polite mannerisms wherever I go and am forever disappointed at the blatant, casual cruelty displayed on a day to day basis. It took a REALLY long time but at long last, I've come to believe my spouse is right, perhaps I've been too naive. But these last 5 years or so have solidly placed the nail in the coffin.
This world sucks. People suck. But law firms ESPECIALLY suck. Don't get me wrong. I've taken off the odd year or so and done something different and while attitudes weren't always gracious, they were still much better than in law.
But the thing that gets to me most though is the total USELESSNESS of it. When it literally costs nothing to be kind and offers so much of a reward I've seen folks go out of their way just to be cruelly intentional. SMH. I'm just biding my final few years and then retire.
Time to move to small, very small law firms. Much better.
Law is lonely because it rewards isolation, being vulnerable or social is seen as weak.
By my responding to this, you are now my best friend in law.
Very office and firm specific. I’ve made truly wonderful friends at my firm; some I know I’ll be friends with long after we part ways professionally. Most of my coworkers have met my family and vice versa. And if being social and vulnerable is seen as weak, then I have no real future in this biz but I am who I am. Life’s too short to be lonely and miserable and there is NOTHING that says I can’t be productive and professional while also being nice and taking genuine interest in the people I work with.
Being a lawyer is lonely. So don’t. Instead, treat law as a mere profession where you exchange hours of your day for money.
You should still be whoever you actually are. You’ll then find another like-minded folks. You’ll bond and mock the drones who have made “being a lawyer” their entire personality and life.
I’ve made real friends everywhere I’ve worked as a lawyer. For me it’s always a priority and I actually spend a lot of time figuring out who I want to be friends with and then maintaining those relationships.
I made some good friendships in law earlier in my career, and had a boyfriend that I met through the bar association. I feel like it’s become lonelier. But I feel all of society is becoming more and more isolated.
I feel like people are so negative in law. Like your “work friends” don’t have to be life long friends who you meet up with regularly or anything. Being in the trenches together and a shared sense of trauma is good enough for me. Working for that client sucked. Oh you agree? Great, now we can vent and have some catharsis.
If you expect law or really any career to fulfill the void and all the needs of a healthy life, then you’re setting yourself up for failure my friend.
Rising Star
I have a few true friends, including a few ladies I brunch with, but like all adult friendships it is hard. Add in the power disparity awkwardness and it’s even harder.
I have allies and warm acquaintances-friends, not so much
I think this probably varies a fair amount from firm to firm and also within practice groups at any given firm based on culture. I work in litigation at a top tier big law firm and have many close friendships out of my practice group and generally really enjoy the company of people on my case teams. I feel like it’s very collaborative and not lonely at all. But I have been here for years, so I have been able to steer my practice toward people I like and away from more competitive practices or unlikeable senior partners. I also joined a firm that has a reputation for good people and good culture.
Yes I’ve made real friendships. I’ve always made friendships only from forced repeated contact, like school and work; I’ve never actually made close friends from hobbies or things like that. One of the few good things about biglaw is there’s a lot of folks in the same life situation around me, so it’s a lot like school for making friends
I have made some genuine, lasting friendships at work but other friendships were ephemeral, ending once one of us left the workplace. And with some co-workers, it’s just polite small talk at best. I think it’s more a matter of whether you happen to vibe with the people near you than anything else.
I definitely have made good friends in big law that I hang out with. But I think it depends on firm culture and the type of people the firm recruits.
No because law firms reward competitiveness so no one ever puts their guard down.