You don’t. What you are describing is asshole behavior.

If you ever get promoted you’ll get zero respect from those under you if you never show an an ounce of humility and drop the ego. No one wants to work for an asshole and you will always need a team to get your best work produced at its highest level. A team only does good work when it’s leader isn’t creating a toxic work-til-til-you-die-no-fun environment. They’ll ultimately leave. Joke with your colleagues, treat everybody with respect, have high expectations of yourself and others, but give everyone grace. It’s a balance but that’s life.

Lol be less competitive.

“…and chase the top position which makes relationships my least priority.”

I’m not sure this tracks. When I look at people in my life with top-tier roles relationship building is one of their key skill sets. There are very few industries that are truly meritocratic; likability and respect go a long way.

I’d suggest watching out for people you think have a social personae that others trust and appreciate and try to figure out what it is they’re doing.

It’s great that you’re always aiming to be the best and to be a leader, but you can’t be both competitive and friends with everyone in the work place at the same time. If all you care about is getting that promotion and being the best, then you can’t expect to be friends with anyone at work. You can be friendly but you can’t make them your friends.

Why are people so quick to label this behavior as ‘asshole’? There’s nothing wrong with wanting to focus on your work to progress to a higher level. That is everyone’s goal right? In my experience many office talkers are gossiping and I would not want to waste my time participating in that. We are all competing against our coworkers on some level for a raise or promotion or some other opportunity. When you’re in the office compete with yourself to do better than yesterday. Don’t see your coworkers as competition. Build relationships with them and gain from their skills and experience which should help you grow (win). Sometimes real solutions come from innocent work chatter in the break room where you may learn another person had a similar challenge and how they fixed it. Change your perception of how you view the people around you. You can be cordial without having to participate in the drama.

I was raised to do my best where I am with what I have and seek continual improvement. I'm ambitious and want to be a leader in my field, which makes relationships a top priority. I live by the philosophies that iron sharpens iron and rising tides raise all ships. I win when my team wins. Maybe try adjusting your mindset from a zero-sum game to a collaborative team sport.

Set time on your calendar to get up to talk to them. Then when you’re talking ask if you can have lunch with them - lunch can be more of a safe space to talk and perhaps let your guard down a little. Make sure to ask then interesting questions so they’re the ones talking. When they ask you questions try to be a bit vulnerable, doesn’t mean you have to tell them so much about your personal life but maybe a peek!

Maybe talk to a group of girls outside of work for practice.

Same here. So tired of these talk bout nothing festivals 🤯 having hard times to even look interested and ask a good question because that boredomeness is really straining.

And I said I just wont participate in this. Call me any names, they can even beat me in their imagination, I just won’t soend my time on this.

Leadership happens naturally. If you are really a leader you do your job well and help others. Being Competitive is a good trait however in competition you win and you lose. You do both with a good attitude- if you are truly a leader!

I do not see you getting promoted to leadership positions. If you do, it will be a middle manager position. You’ll be in crisis mode all of the time because they don’t want to work for you.

The sooner you realize that tasks are not the only driver of success the easier this will be. Relationships are how we get things done, partnerships are critical and if others in your org don’t perceive you as a collaborator, you’re likely to get iced out.
Consider building your network at work based on conversations around things that interest you, like methodology or tools. But don’t forget to relate to others as people first, find a way to be curious about other people’s lives.

Oh! Last thing - look up growth mindset. Don’t compete with others - compete with yourself. Maybe Bobby is so much better than you at public speaking but guess what Bobby has been giving speeches since HS and has 20 years of experience - you have 10. No wonder why he’s more skilled.

Focus on improving and growing and not proving.

Talking during office hours is a fine line… it’s very important for trust and teamwork but when it encroaches on productivity, it can be an issue. I have learned that when someone sees I care, they trust me and in business, that goes far. I’ve received 3 promotions in 3 years due to this. However, I DO genuinely care.

Be genuine. Find something that you have in common with them and make the connection there. Building good relationships with your peers can help you in the long run. You’ll become someone they trust, call to for help and someone they feel they can rely on. I would think this is taken into consideration when someone considers you for a promotion.

Before I entered leadership I thought similarly. Just work, don't waste time with all that nonsense. But now I realize a culture of comradere is so important. Having a fun relationship with your coworkers aids in open communication and collaboration. At this point, I would never recommend someone for promotion who has 0 interest in or empathy for the people around them. Like many others here have recommended. You need to be sure to strike a balance with it. It doesn't even have to be daily that you engage, but I'd definitely make sure you're doing it at least a couple times a week.

When I started my career as an intern at a global company I was given great advice that has served me so well throughout my career: never compare yourself to others. Each person on a team is unique and will bring something different to a role. I have been in many teams and most have rockstars in them but they were never competitive with each other but helpful to each other. You can be great at your job but do it because you like being great not because you want to be better than your peers. Challenge yourself to improve for your benefit.

being a leader isn’t about productivity or competition it’s about relationships. As a manager, I likely will not promote the person that’s the most productive if they can’t connect build relationships and humble themselves. I would much rather promote someone who has decent productivity (maybe not the highest) but who is also able to build relationships get buy in and be a servant leader.

If you want to be a good leader, you will never get there if you do not have strong relationships with your team. I’ve had bosses that didn’t care about relationships and guess what? They sucked and mostly just micromanaged me and only contacted me to tell me what I was doing wrong.

First off you need to cut the bullshit of competition. The strongest teams are strong together. This isn’t a me vs you this is a team. Start thinking about it that way. Have one on one calls with your team to get to know them personally. Care about their growth - strong leaders develop others.

Seek out learning opportunities around teaming, collaboration, emotional intelligence, etc. If you put what you learn into practice, you can improve these skills and I really hope you do.