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I’ve never been in this position but if I had to guess, your new company (110k + 7%) would fire you in a heartbeat if they needed to. Why be loyal to them if they’d likely terminate you when hard times come? Do what’s best for you and yours - you don’t owe anyone an explanation. If it’s at will employment, it is what it is.
100% agree
Congrats on the new offers! I’ve been in a similar spot before, and it’s definitely a tough decision. If you’re leaning toward the lead role, it’s totally okay to withdraw from the first offer.. just be professional and explain you found a better fit. At the end of the day, you’ve got to do what’s best for you (because the companies will always do whats best for them)
Yes. Just tell them after much thought and discussion with your family you need to decline their offer. If you really feel obligated, refer to the commute and mandatory in office as the main factor as it will keep you from your family. I wouldn't really provide any information though.
Concur with everyone else- You should take the job that is a better fit for you and eliminate the long drive, which is dead time you will never get back. I also agree that you should not have any elevated view of loyalty from the first company. However, I would emphasize the need to be courteous and professional when you decline their offer. Do this not for them but for yourself; imagine them reading your note, saying "Wow, what a class act! Really sorry we lost this one!"
For $10k, you need to do a deep analysis on JOB SECURITY for each company, expected work life balance, and each new boss. You don't want to be the person running for the extra cash who gets hit by a layoff a few months down the road.