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It has to be you that does this work. No one else will care enough to do it with the passion that you’re going to bring to it. This might not make you feel better, but I hope you can see purpose in the pain. I’m personally happy that people like you exist.
Chief
This is exactly why I knew I wanted to be in some corporate area of the law - dealing with faceless corporations instead of people in personal distress. I was very fortunate to have that pan out for me because I would 100% be feeling exactly the way you’ve described. I hope you find a way to get peace from the fact that you’re doing your best and you can’t control outcomes. Distress is a normal, unavoidable (unpleasant) part of life. The fact that you provide empathetic counsel to people at their lowest is something you should feel good about.
This is called secondary trauma or vicarious trauma. It is serious and should not be ignored. It was a significant factor in my burn out as a criminal defense attorney. Now I’m in a position where I have a lot more support for dealing with the secondary trauma.
Remember that self-care is more than diversions like a hike or a massage. It includes things like building mental resilience, being able to manage your perspective, and building connections with others for your emotional and spiritual health.
I was in a similar situation. Getting a therapist helped but ultimately I burned out and had to change jobs. Take dedicated time off. Not just a day or two, but a real vacation block even if you just stay home and rest. Turn off your email when you when. Scale back if you can find a way to do it. It doesn't have to be forever, just for now. Public service is a thankless field anyway and I'd imagine it feels even more so right now, but in all sincerity: thank you for doing the hard work
I feel this way too. L&E attorney in private practice. I've had so many of those phone calls. Clients calling in tears or frustration because their employers wouldn't treat them with the respect and dignity they deserve. It's hard, but rewarding work.
You can only do what you can do and hope it moves the needle a bit. Taking the time to listen to them and validate that what they went through was crappy is worth more than you think, especially after they’ve been chewed up by supervisors/HR reps/companies and sometimes a legal system that doesn’t care about them.
Fwiw, being a movement based lawyer also helps for me. Even when I lose a battle, there’s a bigger war going on.
Therapy. Even therapists need someone to talk to regarding what they deal with every day. Also, find some time to do something you enjoy each day, like listen to music, learn an nstrument, pleasure reading. Something you can do any season. Best wishes to you.
I agree with this to. Including I got through my tough times through writing along with music. I wrote a book recently on my journey.
Just remember that 90% of their claims are entirely baseless. Focus on the one’s that may potentially have some shred of merit, which should significantly reduce your bandwidth
Oh also — for many civil plaintiffs and criminal defendants , just having someone actually listen and care and empathize means SO MUCH because they often have never had that experience , especially from a professional not just like their mom or husband
Thank you for doing what you do, and for caring. You’re making a difference.
i am in family law and experience this. i also briefly worked for the children and family services department of my state’s AG. it was incredibly taxing. i did not last long at the AG job (despite loving my internship there (it was in a different section)). i’ve learned to developing strategies like doing calming or grounding things like meditation or yoga. journaling always helps as well. if you can afford it, therapy might be very helpful, especially with your guilt around not being able to win everyone’s cases (this is totally normal btw but we can learn to cope).
Divorce lawyer here, I feel your pain. It can sound harsh and feel weird but the best piece of advice I got from a therapist is that you have to remember that it’s not your life and your job is a job. You are allowed to have a happy life outside of work even if your clients don’t have one. That’s the only way I’ve found how to do this and stay sane.
Always remember to secure your own mask before trying to help someone else. Thank you for ALL you do! You are appreciated.
in order for you to cope with amount of workload and stress here are some ways of coping;
Ensure you are sleeping well
Eating healthy foods to help you maintain good nutrition
To combat stress engage in muscle relaxation, attend a yoga class or get a massage.
Mindful meditation. Turn off all devices and sit quiet area. Try and give yourself 5 minutes for this.
Ensure you are sleeping well. To do that avoid all caffeine and alcohol and if needed engage in physical activity and if needed take melatonin.
Open the door and get with nature even if just for a few minutes.
Maintain activities that you have enjoyed. Schedule those activities after work or on the weekend.
If you feel nothing is working schedule some counselling to work on your stress management.
You can not stop caring for yourself. No client expects that.
Care but don't carry.
"Who's going to stand up for all these bureaucrats who would never make it in the private sector???"
I am in need of a federal employment lawyer in las vegas, nv. Any recommendations?
You may want to make your own post instead of responding to someone else. You might get more traction.
Empathy fatigue is a real thing. Before I started working in law I did peer consultation. The empathy makes you want to do your best and your compassion helps the client feel heard and make you relatable. I had to learn things in life because the burn out was happening. I am glad I learned early in my professional career that I can only control me (my feelings, behaviors, and reactions). Then I had to make a boundary work stayed at work and home stayed at home. This allowed me to be functional and present. I also agree self care is important we can’t pour out of an empty well. Make time to do things that make you happy that also align with your budget. Counseling and life coaching really helps. Life coach most likely not covered through insurance but really makes a difference long term! Thank you for serving your clients well ❤️
Good Morning Senior Attorney,
We are living in challenging times both economically, and mentally. I actually have a podcast on just this, and do a lot of writing on this subject. If you are looking for advice for how you can deal with the emotional stress for yourself my advice is become selfish. Take care of you first. If you need a couple of days without doing anything, thinking, or etc shut yourself off, and relax. If you are looking at advice to tell your clients let them know that you will continue to do your best finding ways to help them with their challenges, as well as, telling them to consider other options. If you would like to know more you can message me privately.
I am praying for all of you,
Cheryl A Nocera
Your empathy is beautiful. Mu husband and I are life coaches. Reach out.