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This is probably what you don’t want to hear. But weddings will bring out the worst in people and those you’ve known and been friends/family with sometimes just ghost you or not show up. It can partially be that they don’t understand what it takes to plan a wedding or they’re not mature about handling these situations. If they truly wanted to be there they would make an effort to make it. I lost one of my friends of 8 years simply because she just ghosted me during the planning process. One of those friends you are super close with and never have any issues then bam, they’re just no longer in your life. It’s really weird. Planning a wedding is hard and you need to mentally prepare yourself for people to let you down. The positive aspect is that there will be people who truly care about you and who will step up to the occasion. These are often the people you least expect. But if she’s being wishy washy now and you’ve offered to pay for her expenses and given her enough time to plan, I would not count on her coming. One of my bridesmaids who is in vet school (which is crazy hard) and never gets time off made an effort and was a bridesmaid in my wedding. I was very flexible with her and accommodated her schedule as best I could. So it goes to show if people want to do something they will make time for it.
You’ve perfectly summarized every emotion I have felt this last months. Some friends have surprisingly stepped in a way I never expected. Others that I thought I will share this experience with have gone MIA or have been rude & mean. I’m just trying to extend Grace to myself & to them because I know everyone has so much going on but I am so immensely grateful for those that have stepped up
Once you hold a destination wedding, you cant disappointed by no-shows. It’s a huge commitment outside of plane tickets. A one-evening wedding becomes a several days-long commitment. Hotels and travel costs can still add up. Will you cover those too?
If she has school commitments such as exams or projects then I think it’s a very valid excuse.
(I had a destination wedding; many close friends and family couldn’t come. It was a non-issue for me).
I think that’s what’s putting me off, I will perfectly understand if she was already in a program & had exams that weekend or even any major school commitment but it is what it is.
I guess it depends mostly on what time of year is it, but it also just sounds to me that she doesn’t think an international trip is feasible for a multitude of reasons and that finances was the easiest way to let you know that. she probably has a lot to deal with for school, not to mention some other things she may have to deal with.
does she have pets? a significant other? are you paying for everything while she’s there or just her flights? there’s a lot of factors here but ultimately when you have a destination wedding you have to know some people won’t be able to make it. i understand this is a big day for you, but it doesn’t come before her needs when it comes to her own decision making
Fair point & thank you. She doesn’t have pets & has a bf. Open to covering other costs but they are negligible due to the very low cost of living there & her family lives there as well
Although I would expect my really close friend to be there, I was once in a position where I was asked to be the maid of honor, while I was graduating school, and had to sit for my boards. Although I said yes, and this was not really a destination wedding just an out-of-state wedding, it was difficult for me to commit and be fully involved. I literally just showed up and didn’t take part in planning anything. So I understand where your friend is coming from. Perhaps if the event was in your hometown, that would be different but going away is a large commitment. We are all adults. We have a lot going on in life these days so don’t be offended because this is a lot to ask for. For her to step away from schooling, and obligations to be there for you.
Thank you for the perspective. Appreciate it. That’s one of the reasons I am doing most of the planning by myself, the bridesmaids will mainly be having any roles just the day of
I would also be disappointed. Is the wedding during the semester?
Technically yes; she is still applying for schools so no clear start date yet & the wedding is in September
Hmm. I think it really depends on what time of the year. I kind of understand if her reason is school.
I know where she's coming from. This will be a major commitment for her too. I know she wants to be there on your special day but some things are beyond her control.
She probably wants to be there more than anyone else. But you know, things do not always go as planned.
I'd probably feel disappointed as well if I were in your situation. But then again, we are all adults now. We have our own commitments :(
My best friend did not make it as well. She had a major problem with her parents. So I changed my bridesmade at the last minute. But I didn't take it against her.