We had a client dinner last week and surprise surprise, all the male associates got invited. Not one woman was included, despite the fact that I’ve been leading the case logistics for months. When I asked about it, they said it was more of a bonding thing. Right. Has anyone actually called out this kind of exclusion and seen change? Or is it just one more thing we’re expected to swallow?

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You're a paralegal. They are associates. Now you know your role. Were you hoping to go and take notes during dinner?
I don't assume that I'm going to be included in coffee meetings with experts despite the fact that I am the trial litigation paralegal and I will be the one reading the journals/ articles and creating the memos.
Anyone who knows anything about the profession knows that the paralegal is the one doing the work and the attorney presents it as their own. That is just how it goes!

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Exactly. It takes years (20 or more) on the job to be invited to an expert meeting even if the expert ask for you. Sometimes it's better to not be invited. Trust me.

I’m a transgender man and have worked in big law as a paralegal specialist both before and after transitioning. Being read as male fundamentally changed how I’m treated professionally. I now receive invitations to “bonding” events like this that I did not before. The bar has genuinely shifted in my favor: my work draws more praise and interest, and senior male mentors have appeared, even though the quality of my work never changed.

I’ve called out exclusion as a man on behalf of others and been taken (somewhat) seriously; when I did so as a woman on my own behalf, I was not.

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Thank you for sharing this! I'm a woman who has been in the industry for close to 20 years, and it's becoming soul crushing at how little progress is being made. Way, way more men need to read insight like yours and then be willing to act on it. Unfortunately, people rarely want to change what benefits them.

My experience is there is always a line of demarcation. You have come upon that line. As long as the work is reflected appropriately in the pay, I think it would just let this go. Always unsung.

Client dinners are business. Who is doing the work is largely irrelevant. Who can foster the business relationship is paramount.

Okay let me rewind here though. Was this just attorney's that were invited and none of the female support staff were invited? Because that is honestly pretty normal. That happens at lots of firms.

Paralegals, legal assistants, secretaries, etc are usually not included in client dinners hosted by attorneys. Those are client development opportunities for the firm to wine and dine their clients to impress and/or thank them for their business.

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