What are your thoughts on open relationships? I’ve never been in one. The idea itself of not having sex with the same person for the rest of your life I get. But in reality I just don’t know if I can do it personally. Anybody else struggle with this? I feel like most of the community wants open and I just don’t know if I’ll ever get there. And I feel like it limits your (already small) dating pool. Not suggesting I change just to be in a relationship, I just struggle with the whole thing. Sigh

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I've been openly poly for about two years, have multiple partners and do just fine. I guess it limits your pool in one sense, but also the dating pool doesn't drain as fast so it kind of evens out? It's definitely led me and my partners to all embrace active communication skills, and a large part of it involves unlearing some kind of toxic monogamous ideas about ownership of your partners, how to communicate, how to handle jealousy and insecurity, etc.

But also--like. Don't force yourself to do it if it isn't actually something you actively want to do. It's not for everyone and it's toxic to assume it is.

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I meant not wanting an open relationship limits your dating pool. Thanks for the response! I agree, I don’t want to force myself to do it. I think there’s a lot of stuff I would need to work on individually before being open. In no way do I think you can only be attracted to one person / not want to sleep with other people, I just think me personally would need a lot of ground rules for it to work and some people that want an open relationship might not want that level of rules

Seems to be a gay guy thing and not prevalent at all for Lesbians.

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I can’t tell from this post if you’re single or not, but, it took me years of being in a monogamous relationship to understand the complexities behind an open relationship. If you asked be 5 years ago if I’d be in one, my viewpoint would of sounded a lot like yours. Also, there are so many different types of open relationships or “rules”. I will say, most relationships I see start on an open basis do not tend to workout. But that’s just from what I have seen.

My experience is similar to KPMG 1 as well. When I first started dating I was 100% against it and after 3 years of dating monogamously, my partner and I would just make slight jokes about having sex with other guys. It eventually/organically came to be that we are now open. However, the main rule we have is essentially, is that the sex has to happen organically aka we’re not on dating apps looking for have sex but if we’re out in the club or at a party and get drunk and there’s a guy thats cute etc…

To KPMG 1 point as well, it did take some time for us to get here and we didn’t start out with it. My husband and I have will be together for 7 years next month (2 years married)!

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I am in an open relationship and it’s works fine. You need to set clear rules and expectations. Communication is key too.

My relationship sort of developed into an open relationship. It wasn’t really planned. I would say many of the guys I regularly meet with are married (to women) who need an outlet. So they aren’t a “threat” to my partner because I won’t be leaving him for a married guy.

It all depends on how comfortable and secure you and your partner are in the relationship. When it comes to an open relationship, I agree that you and your partner will have sex/romantic relationship with someone else while still being in love with each other. But imagine he’s going on dates and having fun with dudes almost every night of the week, though he is still nice and loving to you during the day or whenever you’re together; however, you couldn’t find anyone to do the same while he’s gone, or vice versa. How would you feel in that situation? If you feel like “oh great! I get to stay home and have all the space for myself”, then great. But sometimes as a human being, you might feel “oh he is going out and having/sex while I’m here doing nothing but watching the same show all over”. You might do things that you shouldn’t like desperately chasing a guy to have him go out with you to do the same thing as your partner and to fill the void, but ignore the fact that he is manipulative and just wanna take advantage of you. That might not be ideal since we all know the dating market is a hit or miss. All I’m saying is if you and your partner are open minded enough to share the love and the sex with someone else, you’re both secure enough and want to open your relationship, then do it!

But if that is not the case, and you both just don’t wanna share the other person with someone else or not secure enough, then maybe just take it slow. Perhaps not an open relationship yet, but maybe just invite another guy or other guys to come over and and have a threesome or even four just to try new things. This is something when you and your partner are both involved. This is to test the water to see how you and your partner feel. Ultimately, just to reach the level when you’re both the most comfortable and enjoyable.

Don’t feel like most of the community wants to open and you should too since not most of them wants to open, just the ones who are in an open relationship tend to preach about it more so it feels like everyone in the community is in an open relationship but it’s really not true. Good luck tho!! 🙂

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