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I’d be annoyed too. But I’d let it go for the sake of keeping peace, and also keep it in my back pocket as a “thank you.” Next time you don’t feel like going to something of theirs… don’t (trust me, it will happen). Thank them for excusing you from one of their obligations. Some might say this is petty, but it’s the only way I avoid getting too upset. It also might be worth it to have a convo with them and just let them know you heard they weren’t planning to come to the shower and ask if there are any other events they may not be able to make it to.
You invited them to be your bridesmaids because you are big on family and want them to feel included? Or you want free labor and supports at all wedding related events? If it’s the former, you haven’t put any efforts into making them feel included yet, I probably would’ve planned a meet and greet brunch in town for those in town, and then maybe a zoom call to include those out of town, so everyone can get to know each other. Having an out of town bridal shower as the first event just isn’t a good move given the scenario.
Yes
The oldest, said yes, of course I’d love to be a part of the wedding. I’ll totally be at all the events, etc. Long story short, I was talking to my fiancé last night and he mentioned that his sisters won’t be attending my bridal shower because it’s out of town and they don’t know anyone, and it’s “expensive.” They’re willing to help pay for the shower but don’t feel comfortable attending.
I tried to tell him I wasn’t okay with that because it’s really important to me that my bridesmaids are present to support me at wedding related events, but he doubled down and defended them, stating that the grooms family doesn’t usually attend those type of events.
I’m less upset about them not be able to attend and more upset about the fact that they didn’t tell me themselves. I have 11months until the big day and haven’t done any bridesmaids stuff aside from asking folks, so strongly considering not having them be a part of the bridal party because I don’t want their lack of communication with me to be an issue for future events.
That being said, I recognize that I may have a bit of tunnel vision because I’m the bride and I’m only seeing things from my perspective, but genuinely want to know if it’s the norm for the groom family to not be active in wedding planning/siblings being super involved. Also don’t want to cause a rift in the family by demoting them as bridesmaids…
What is considered out of town? If like drivable they should prob be there but if it’s a flight + overnight stay then they are justified to say no
If they need to book a flight and hotel then I would say you are over reacting. Even if it’s in town and not a far drive, they may have plans. I had to plan my shower 3 months in advance to get folks to come. Better to be more understanding to your future SIL.
I get it, but you’re overreacting. These girls are going to be in your life forever… I’d encourage you to really think about if it’s worth it to cause a stir over a shower, particularly if they’re even agreeing to help pay for it!?
For what it’s worth, my new SIL didn’t attend my bridal shower either bc it was out of town. Did it hurt a little? Absolutely. Did I make a fuss about it? No.
I would feel annoyed especially since they didn't tell you. They definitely should have told you. The excuse of not knowing anyone is bs. However, if they can't go for financial reasons as it's out of town for them I understand. But what does out of town mean? Do they need a hotel or is this a 1-2 hour drive for them? Either way, they could have handled it better
Please recognize everything regarding the wedding will be amplified. I really wanted my future brother in law to join me on my bachelor party but it just didn’t work out that way and at the time I was devastated. Fast forward and we have had the wedding and it all worked out even with him not being at that small part of it.
Again don’t forget these are all extra things. At the end of the day all that matters is marrying your spouse.
Rising Star
You have the right to be annoyed they didn’t tell you themselves but you’re overreacting about them not being there.
Bridesmaids are meant to be people we care about being an extra important part of the wedding, not people who you put to work or need to drop everything for anything wedding related.
Nobody should be expected to be involved in wedding planning to any degree other than you and your future husband, bridesmaids or not. It also sounds like you’re not close with them and only included them for your husbands sake so it really shouldn’t effect your day