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On paper life is good. NEP at a non-market paying firm. Have a solid book ~$600k, WFH at least 80% of the time, work about 50 hours/wk, take a very decent amount of vacation, albeit the laptop comes with me.
The issue is that the firm can't seem to hire/retain new Associates, so there's no one to delegate my files to, and there's only so much I can do personally, so I'm stuck at this level because I can't get to revenue required for Equity, and I don't see a path upwards.
I've looked at other comparable firms, but the comp is essentially the same, and they seem to havr the same infrastructure problems.
So, I just feel...stuck. And I know that 98% of the country would look at my situation and tell me to f off, but I just find myself feeling depressed. Have done therapy. It's helpful in the moment to vent, but doesnt change my situation.
Anyone else feel like this?
Yeah, i have in the past. Horrible place to be and changing a feeling of 'stuckness' is phenominally difficult. You at least know ranting doesn't work. Maybe it was the wrong type of therapy. I went to a psychodynamic psychotherapist years ago and that helped as i was challenged to go deep into my feelings and begin to unravel them over time. It took a long time for me, but it also inspired me to become a psy therapist myself!
I have. Before jumping to any clinical conclusions, I would try addressing any bad habits you may have. For example, do you get sufficient sleep? Do you make time for exercise? If changing these bad habits doesn’t make you feel better, then I would see a specialist.
Thank you. I get to bed at a decent time, usually about 7 hours of sleep. Hard to do more than that because I naturally wake up and can't get back to sleep.
Don't exercise as much as I used to or would like to, maybe once a week, but I do meditate to help calm myself and try to relax. I do eat healthy.
Try to find purpose outside of work. You haven’t felt enough pain in life to be feeling this way.
Thank you very much for your kind words, really appreciate it!
Seek Jesus pls. Thx.
Seek professional counseling. If you want religion, do that too, but religion is not a substitute for professional mental health care.
The turnover issue is very real. It’s everywhere in this profession and its cost is much greater than anyone realizes.
It’s because the system has always been broken and the youngsters get that and won’t put up with it. I switched to Plaintiff’s high dollar amount cases with a good percentage of the award so I know it’s based on my effort and my skills. I am not reliant on others except the firm owner who also gives back by doing extraordinary non profit cases. It’s so much more rewarding even though I was taught to work for corporations or insurance companies in law school. We were told if you go to a good law school graduate top few percent your reward is in house for a major corporation or partner in Insurance Defense etc. Nope not what made me happy in my experience. I also loved being a City attorney in the past until politics became too divisive for me. Point is I used to be afraid to leap out of my comfort zone. Associates aren’t nowadays so why should we be? If you are good and a hard worker you can be good and make money in most areas of law, some of which might fulfill you more. Heck I know a GEICO top end general counsel in Tampa Bay is now on a boondoggle as an ImmigrationJudge in Trump’s new world order. Building a fat pension and enjoying fly fishing in the gorgeous American West.
Yes
Unfortunately I’ve known many who have felt what you’re feeling or gone through what you’re going through. The fact that you are reaching out to someone is a BIG step! So take a deep breath and think of it as a small victory and a step forward in the right direction.
I think your feelings are very valid, but I agree with what others have said about looking critically at how associates are treated at your firm. As an associate attorney who desperately wants training/mentorship, I can't tell you how frustrating it is when you're stuck working at a firm that promises to teach but then doesn't deliver.
First, no one should feel guilty about being depressed despite an objectively good life situation. Depression doesn’t discriminate, and life’s too short to spend most of your time sad with your circumstances, especially if there’s something you can change.
Second… are you really only depressed because you don’t see a clear path to equity partnership at your current firm due to poor associate retention? I also used to think all firms would have this same retention issue, but realized that wasn’t true after lateraling. It might be worth exploring other opportunities if you’re really feeling so stuck it’s affecting your mental health, or at least talking to any equity partners in your corner about how associate retention could be improved, such as maybe hiring a staff attorney that could close that gap, or addressing some of the reasons associates might be leaving. If they aren’t willing to help you with this, maybe it’s time to look at other options regardless. Or step back and assess whether you’ve maybe outgrown your current firm, or still like anything beyond the paycheck.
Regardless, it might be worth spending time talking to friends and family (or a therapist) to see if you can find the root of that sadness… I expect it’s more than poor associate retention that’s getting you down. I come from a family of lawyers, and this job can get you down at any stage of your career. Equity is likely not be the key to happiness that you think it is. But you deserve to be happy - even if that’s just a shift in mindset, and practicing gratitude for the other blessings in your life or shifting your long term goals.
Feeling unsupported by your firm is a hugely valid reason for feeling like you’ve stalled and are no longer excited about the next chapter. You might consider working with a career coach. I worked with one that helped massively in deciding my next move, and now I’m at a firm where I’m very happy. I took a slight pay cut, but it was absolutely worth it to be at a firm that better aligned with my values - and that included adequate legal support and delegation options when I get overextended. Or maybe it just makes sense to pivot somewhere new - in house, a business role, or maybe even hanging your own shingle.
It’s great you’re even reaching out and talking about this with folks. A lot of people never will and will stay miserable in a position that no longer is a good fit for decades before making a change, simply because they’re worried about the grass not being greener elsewhere. Maybe it takes a couple of pivots even to find the next right opportunity, but you still have time to find a more fulfilling path. Best of luck and hope things improve soon.
Yes. The problem I have is existentially based combined with the inability of myself to escape my internalized, intellectual world. It's why philosophy is the sport of the middle aged, not the sport of the youth who are too busy experiencing the world to care to understand it for the most part.
If you can't hire/retain associates look at culture. I realize that law is a grind institution typically (50/wk seems low based off everything I understand) but at the same time exit interview and consider what they say very carefully. I bet you find patterns.
People may move for money or position, but a lot of time they move for culture. People who do not belong within a culture stick out like a sore thumb. Do your associates stick out like sore thumbs? Why?
Being intellectual DOES NOT make one a leader. It's important to work on learning and practicing leadership. It's a totally separate skill set to develop. It takes time, effort and at times thinking outside of the realms of comfort. It can be deeply difficult, but worthwhile.
Highly advised stuff is the anneagram, and Ken Wilber's Theory of Everything. Jocko WIllink's Extreme Ownership is good as well.I have "The 9 types of leadersip" on the way as well.
As a former associate and now in house, I can say I was dying to move on when in a law firm. I referred to myself as an RPU, revenue producing unit. I was an automaton just billing hours. No mentoring. No active roles in trials; just a grunt. No positive feedback for good results. So, maybe take a look at what is making your associates move.
What metric are you looking at?
There's more to life than metrics, numbers, or money.
Get more access to nature and avoid the office and computer screens.