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Any openings for cloudera databricks ?
DM me for a referral!

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Alas, I don't qualify.

Overheard: "How can you 'imply' cheese??"
How long were you a junior?
Any 🐠🐟🐡 at this Sagmeister thing downtown? (LA)
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You forgot you had an interview?! I'm already concerned about your future employer, LOL
Water leaking into apartment. Locked yourself out while walking the dog. Sick. Someone stole your wallet / waiting for police to file report. Forgot computer at home have to go back and get it.
I was probably drunk and im gay
Do you have a pet?
Well, now you do.
And it’s sick.
You strained your shoulder patting yourself on the back.
Always the maintenance guy. Sent either night before or at 7 am day-of.
60% of the time, it works EVERY time... we shouldn't remake the classics
Just say you had an emergency. No need to get into details unless anyone asks
When in doubt...diarrhea.
Migraine, that or you have am emergency maintenance guy coming to your place in the morning. Or sick dog that needs to go to the vet
Are you a woman? Dude bosses get so uncomfortable if you mention anything having to do with "lady problems" you'll be off without further questions.
Had to let in the maintenance guy 😁
Flat tire. Migraine. Repair guy of some kind and you have to let them in. Sick kid. Bird pooped on your head on your way to your car.
OP what did you use???
😩😂 all these responses are hilarious! You guys make me love working in this industry...
Thanks people (except you AD1 LOL)
Say you got locked out while walking the dogs. Works 100% 60% of the time
If it’s only an hour or so later than normal, my fave is forgotten laptop.
Public trans or forgotten laptop
I got kids, they get sick... wife couldn’t find a substitute, working from home till I line up a sitter... be in late