Could some opinions: I’m a co-MOH in a wedding in May. They needed a lot of help and I ended up finding their venue, building their website, doing their invitations, guest list, registry etc. I was part of the planning process for the bach party but the other MOH did the booking and ordered decorations. The night before the party, the host offered us a full refund due to a severe snow storm. I was supposed to drive 3 others but I told them I didn’t feel comfortable driving and decided cont…

That is super frustrating OP. Sorry you have to go through all that.

Your concern was 1000% valid. No one should risk their life for a party, even if it is the most important party ever, which this clearly wasn’t.

It’s completely up to you, but if it were myself, being completely disrespected like that when you have put SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY AND HARD WORK into helping your “friend” and going WAY BEYOND MOH duties, I would be running for the hills.

But this is your friend, so you may feel differently. Which is natural and completely okay.

Assuming you want to keep this friendship, I would call your friend, and say something along the lines of “Hi, I got your message. It sounds like you’re unhappy about the way I’ve been helping to organize the wedding. Since it’s your special day, as your good friend, I don’t want anything to detract from that. I’m happy to step down and let [co-MOH] take over from here and I’ll be there on your wedding day to celebrate you.”

And then no matter what, don’t get sucked in again. Because they will realize all the work that you’re doing and try to get you involved and pull some major guilt trips.

Also be firm in turning down the role, even in the scenario in which your friend says that’s not what she wants.

I don’t have advice because I don’t know enough about your friendship history or dynamics. Just came here to give some perspective that having a MOH find the venue, build the wedding website, do the invites, guest list and registry is insane behavior.

The bride called today? Are they still on the venue? Was the party this weekend? If so, do you think she had been drinking or was hungover?. Not that any of that is an excuse, but if she has been inundated with calls from the friends you didn’t bring ( not clear on why that was your responsibility to get them there) plus the girls there saying well we made it, plus the stress of all this wedding, couple with a few too many, I can see a meltdown happening that resulted in that phone call. I would let it sit a day. She might call and apologize. She might be too embarassed, She might just be an entitled bitch. I don't know her. But after a day or two if you have heard nothing, then I would reach out to her. Acknowledge that she seemed very upset and follow the lead of C1. I would make my decision based on the level of friend and if she apologized. I have an old college roommate I can totally see melting down and going into selfish bitch mode after a few too many. But she would swim through shark infested waters for me and would also apologize for lashing out and thank me for allmy help, so I would still stand up for her at her wedding. If the bride called today and this happened several weeks ago, she mental and follow C1s advice.

Sorry that you are going through that. Good luck. You're a good friend.

Hubby makes it a tough one. If you drop out of the wedding party that causes other issues. Not to mention an odd number of bridesmaids versus groomsman. Bridezilla would love that look.

In my view you can either address her directly or ask hubby to talk to her fiance. If you address her directly, I would take C1s line, but rather than bow out ask her directly. I got the impression from your call and text that you would prefer I drop out of the wedding party, it's your day and you should be surrounded by who you want. So if that's the case, please let me know. Then offer If she has someone she wants to replace you with who wants to buy your dress, you are happy to accommodate her. My guess is sometime in the next few werks.....like when she needs help printing out table groupings or some other task you will move back up the foodchain.

The other option is to have hubby talk to his buddy. It's sad when our friends marry a crazy person. Even harder when our spouse's friends marry crazy people.

The passive agressive part of me would change the PW on her website if she said she no longer wanted you involved.

OP I am so sorry to hear about this - it’s very nice that you have been helping out so much (and have basically been acting as a wedding planner for the bride!)

I think calling her (or solving it via the groomsmen as suggested above) is the more mature approach and will cause less stress and resentment compared to the “simply change the website password” option.

Need an update here!

Update: the groom confronted my husband today and told him that I clearly didn’t care and that I made things awkward so suddenly with my behavior. The groom insisted he didn’t want “any drama or bullsh!t” but said I should have told the bride sooner if I didn’t want to participate or “donate” my time. My husband defended me and the groom doubled down and said I should have done more and that I should have at least let someone drive me (which no one offered to do anyways).

I sent a message to the bride bowing out shortly after. I let her know that she deserves to be surrounded by her friends on her big day and it’s clear I’m not on the list. I also did list out all the things I did to help because I couldn’t help myself.

Not to go. I politely explained this on the phone to the bride’s 3 sisters and they proceeded to tell me I was being “crazy” and needed to drive people as I previously agreed. I offered to find an alternative place to stay if others couldn’t get there since we could get our money back but was told no. Ultimately they went without me and had a hell of a time getting there and lost power overnight due to the storm. Today, the bride called to tell me off and said I was “being stupid” for my concern about the 2.5 hr drive through 14inches of snow. She also felt I hadn’t “donated” enough of my time and that she expected more from me since I had been an MOH before. I patiently explained what I told her sisters and she then hung up on me for “pissing her off.” At this point, I’m upset and hurt as I’ve put a considerable amount of time and effort into this wedding and was told that it wasn’t enough all because I didn’t want to drive through a blizzard. The bride sent me a text which seemed to hint that she wanted me to drop out of the bridal party. I could use Some advice here as I’m not sure if I want to participate in this bridal party any further but I’ve never been in this scenario before.

Thanks for the detailed responses, I’m feeling less crazy for being so upset. I’m not particularly close to this bride. Her finance and my husband became friends through work a few years ago and she and I have been friendly but never close. Over the phone she stated (without prompting) that the reason I was asked was because of my prior experience and abilities. The reason I’m struggling is because my husband is a groomsman and things would get complicated for him if I drop out. He’s been very supportive and wants me to do what’s best for me, but I hate to put him in a tough spot.

I don’t think she was drunk when we spoke. It was 2pm and she said she was home from the party.

For context, many of the bridesmaids have been very strange about money. Every time someone bought anything (a decoration, a snack, etc.” they expected the group to Venmo them a few dollars to split it evenly. Because it was my decision not to attend, I didn’t ask for them to reimburse me. Funny how that never came up in the convo.

The Wednesday before the party, I was asked to take 3 girls because out of the 8 going only I and one other person had a drivable car. I learned the person who ultimately drove in my place had to get an inspection sticker and re-reg her car but had put it off bc she claimed she didn’t have the money (but spent a considerable amount more than asked on the party).

Also, last night, they added more people to the group chat (aunts I think) and started texting really passive aggressive things thanking each other for going “above and beyond” and “bending over backwards.” The final text was from the bride thanking the other MOH (her sister) and a friend (who was the previous MOH but got demoted and replaced with her sister) for all their hard work.

After sleeping on it, I very much want to walk away but I’m struggling because of my husband’s involvement.

Thanks everyone for the support while I processed this string of events. Glad to know I’m not crazy for being so shocked by all this. I’m planning on giving her a week before I reach out. Based on how the last call went, I doubt this will go well. She called me “stupid” for “not trusting” her sisters to drive my car safely through the snow (she seemed to think I just lacked the ability to drive in inclement weather.) She also insisted that I would have made the trip for my friends, which signaled to me that I’m the outsider. (Don’t worry, I told her my friends wouldn’t ask me to do so.) Am I crazy to consider not going to the wedding at all if this chat is as explosive as the last call? I may be getting ahead of myself here but I’m not optimistic that there is an apology in my future.

I was once in a similar position as Co-MOH. I came to resent that title because in my opinion this mainly exists when the bride has one MOH who is the sister or best friend, and then another second MOH who gets to do all the organising.
I had to do all if the organising but never even received a word of thanks from the bride for all my efforts, only criticism when things didn't go her way (which was outside of our control - this was 2020 and peak Covid).
I ended up dropping out of the entire wedding and this whole process had just made me realise how toxic this "friendship" had become.